I am told no one my age knows what they want. At least beyond the fact that most of us definitely know we want more money, since we're all broke as smokes and spending what we do have on happy hour specials, but I digress. Perhaps it is true that we 20-somethings don't know what we want, in life, and in dating. I have been in more than one situation where myself or the other party "isn't sure," what they want or where this is going. It's a weird place, hard to navigate, and more often than not, someone ends up feeling crummy. So what do you do when someone says "Please hold?" I have narrowed this down to three options:
-OPTION 1: HOLD
--Wait for the person to figure it out. Sometimes, your gut tells you something is good, and it's worth seeing where you'll come out on the other side. It's all very romantic of course. When the person shows up on your doorstep and re-established the connection it's all very wonderful. But unfortunately all very seldom. Beyond that, is of course, the possibility of wasted time and wasted opportunities. You spend all your time on hold with this one caller and you don't take any others. My caveat: just because you're on hold doesn't mean the other party isn't taking other calls.
-OPTION 2: HOLD...Sort of..
--While you definitely want to keep the line open, it is possible that you can see other people during this period. Sort of like putting the phone on speaker so you can still hear if the other line picks up, but you can, perhaps, write a blog while you're waiting. This can be fun, and a nice diversion from the fact that you're waiting a bit. The warning for this option is to not become the enemy as it were. If you're holding for someone while hanging out with other people, chances are you'll end up putting the other people on hold, even if you don't mean to. Make sure you're prepared for any consequences.
-OPTION 3: HANG UP
--This is probably the best idea of the three. Most of the time people who put you on hold will end up hanging up on you first, and you won't even know it until the dial tone starts. While idea three is the most pragmatic, it is also the most harsh. A lot can be said for taking some space.
The problem with people who put you on hold is they often suffer (unknowingly) from "Have Your Cake, Eat It Too" syndrome. They want you around when they're ready, but they are not willing to compromise for your needs. They don't quite know what they want, but they don't want to give up the prospect of something good until they are good and ready. I would love to tell you that everyone who has this syndrome is an inconsiderate poop-face, but I find, more often, they are just a bit wayward and lacking in awareness. Many people will tell you "If someone wants to be with you, they will be with you." This is often true, but sometimes, people just do need a little space to contemplate the changes that may lie ahead if they take the proverbial plunge.
The trick to being on hold is to not actually view it as being on hold. Waiting around is for the birds, particularly when a lack of self-awareness is involved. If you know what you want, you should find someone who also knows what they want (preferably something similar to what you want that is...). I admit, sometimes what I end up wanting is to stick it out for a bit to see what can come of the situation. But too often in my life it has taken me FAR too long to figure out when to hang up. So rather than being on hold, or straight hanging up on someone, try looking at it as giving the person the opportunity to call you back. You're not on hold, the lines of communication are open, and it gives you enough breathing room to really decide if you even want to take the call if or when it comes. Happy Friday!
The problem with people who put you on hold is they often suffer (unknowingly) from "Have Your Cake, Eat It Too" syndrome. They want you around when they're ready, but they are not willing to compromise for your needs. They don't quite know what they want, but they don't want to give up the prospect of something good until they are good and ready. I would love to tell you that everyone who has this syndrome is an inconsiderate poop-face, but I find, more often, they are just a bit wayward and lacking in awareness. Many people will tell you "If someone wants to be with you, they will be with you." This is often true, but sometimes, people just do need a little space to contemplate the changes that may lie ahead if they take the proverbial plunge.
The trick to being on hold is to not actually view it as being on hold. Waiting around is for the birds, particularly when a lack of self-awareness is involved. If you know what you want, you should find someone who also knows what they want (preferably something similar to what you want that is...). I admit, sometimes what I end up wanting is to stick it out for a bit to see what can come of the situation. But too often in my life it has taken me FAR too long to figure out when to hang up. So rather than being on hold, or straight hanging up on someone, try looking at it as giving the person the opportunity to call you back. You're not on hold, the lines of communication are open, and it gives you enough breathing room to really decide if you even want to take the call if or when it comes. Happy Friday!
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