On the "Mojo"

When I first saw the Austin Powers movie where he lost his "mojo" I thought it was the most ridiculous thing I had ever seen. Yet, as time has gone by, I see that he was on to something. Everyone has a mojo...a secret weapon of sorts they can use in a dating situation to turn the tables in their favor, if only for a moment. In this post I am going to talk about my own personal mojo in the hopes that, in turn, you'll think about yours. Feel free to comment, criticize, etc.

To all my fellow musicians, I am sorry for blowing your cover. As musicians, music is our "hot card," our "mojo," our "piece de resistance" if you will. Even if you're not a musician you know of what I speak. Something happens to music people during a performance. A magic something that takes we, the musicians, to a place that the audience can see but not quite reach. An emotional, real-time, intangible, fleeting place that we escape to whenever possible and spend a lifetime trying to take higher. It is this my friends, that we play (literally and figuratively) as the "hot card."

Don't get me wrong...I'm not saying to use something as profound and wondrous as the power of music to your own sordid ends (unless of course you write witty ditties about silly things like coffee...). What I am saying is, at least in my case, my passion for the music I make gives anyone, or a date perhaps, a perspective on another, more complex side of my person. Uh-oh...I feel a "for instance" coming on...

CAUTION: For the first time in blog this is NOT a dating scenario. Feel free to heave a sigh of relief before reading further.

For instance, while music-making is my main source of income, I also work as a receptionist at a spa. We hosted an event one night, and one of the speakers there engaged me in conversation several times throughout the night. As the good little underling I am I asked him many questions about what he did, how he changed lives, etc. He definitely had an air of superiority, not obnoxious by any means, but enough that I refilled my wine glass a little more than would have been socially acceptable (and for me to say THAT is big...but I digress). As I was leaving, he said something totally fresh and original like "Leaving so soon?" with a hint of that sort of "young chica probably had her fill of the intelligencia for the evening." I replied "No, I need to go home early because I have church in the morning."

PAUSE. "You go to church?"
"Yes, I'm the music director at ----. I play organ and piano there."
[NOTE: if you read between the lines of this statement you can hear me saying "Yeah man I have a college degree and a marketable skill, what now?"]
As soon as I uttered these words, this man's entire demeanor shifted. Now it was as if he was speaking to an equal as opposed to an adorable yet under-achieving employee. So of course, we then begin talking about how I direct some choirs, went to school for music, etc. He tells me he sings in a choir and how he loves it, we swap arrangement ideas, etc. Brilliant. Gotta love the music mojo.


Another thing to keep in mind is when you talk about what you love to keep it accessible to your listener. I once went on a date and the guy was really into financial stuff. Totally over my head. So I asked him what kind of books he was reading about it, how he incorporated it into his life, etc. In response he had a rather flat affect and talked to me about it as though I should KNOW everything he was telling me. Dude, I'm a musician. I can only count to 8 on a GOOD day.

On the flip side of that, I dated a psychology major for a time. While psychology is something I don't really know a ton about, at least beyond what Greek myths have taught me, he was SO passionate about it I wanted to learn. He answered my questions, told me what he loved about it, what he planned to do with the degree, I was able to elaborate on some studying I've done on music and psychology...it took us to an entirely new level of conversation. Super hot. Even if I found out later he was consulting his DSM-IV and diagnosing me the entire time. Once again I digress....

The point is, make sure you keep the conversation going in such a way so that your counterpart can ask questions. You may even discover you have something in common.

I guess the moral of this post is that most of the time, you can let your passions do the talking for you in a dating (or really in any) situation, even if you deem your main interest to be nerdy.
Let's face it folks, who isn't a little nerdy? I'm getting a masters in music history for Heaven's sake. But I can honestly say no one has ever found me less attractive after I have played my "Weird Guy at the Gym" song that I wrote (my apologies to those gentlemen who feel entirely swindled if you have heard this song. If it's any consolation, it is but one weapon in my arsenal of wooing). The thing is, the way you love what you love is what people will ultimately love about you. Talk about it with confidence and accessibility, and you can entertain any audience. Happy Friday!