Many people refer to dating as "The Dating Game." Interesting terminology, since, in my experience, games involve players who all know the rules. It seems to me that rules are constantly evolving in the game of dating. Hardly anyone plays by the same rules, hence the constant entrance and exits of various potential significant others.
You know what I mean right? Like the "no calling until 3 days after you get the number" rule...or the "between 4-6 texts daily" rule, or the hesitancy to talk about the future because you don't want to seem over-involved, or the "only order salad so he doesn't think I'm fat" rule, or my personal favorite and most frequently broken, "no more than 2 glasses of wine at dinner for the first few dates," rule. I mean really people. Why play if you're so afraid to make a move?
To quote Paul Newman, "What we've got here is a failure to communicate." People are scared of telling someone they are seeing that they need anything for fear of being clingy or needy or petty, etc. Let me tell you something folks...if you don't tell people what you need they will never KNOW. It would be like playing Go-Fish without asking anyone what cards they are holding. Not much of a game then hmm?
For instance, I dated a lovely young man once. Super nice, really fun, but a supreme texter. Not that I don't love a text to let me know you're thinking about me...but this was legit a play-by-play of his day. I responded to almost all of them because I had not yet informed him that chances are my day will be just as fine at 10:18 as it will be at 11:14. Not to mention, after texting ALLL day, at night he goes "So how was your day?" SERIOUSLY? You know more about it than I do at this point! Moral of the story: I gently informed him that I loved hearing from him, but it was just a little much. Problem solved, space rule established, and it opened the door for him to inform me about something he might want me to do differently as well.
If you are afraid to tell someone what you want or to establish rules, things will never go in any direction...in essence, a stalemate in your game. The thing to do is communicate.
Another thing...games usually imply OPPONENTS. Like, two players or two teams playing AGAINST each other so one can lose and one can win. Is that really how we want to think about dating?? That no matter what, someone is going to lose? Or at best end in a tie? Which eventually must be broken? I mean, if we are already at odds with the person across the table, how can we hope to develop a successful relationship? It seems to me that to view dating as a game puts us in a mindset that is detrimental to any fun that might ensue. Nobody likes to lose, in spite of Pizza Hut's new ad campaign with those darling children who suddenly seem to forget how much their team sucks because they get to stuff their faces with stuffed crusts.
Personally, I try very hard not to play games when dating. I tell it like it is because it's a hell of a lot easier than waiting for him to come out of his shell and give me a clue as to what I am supposed to be doing. Sometimes this intimidates the men I date...which is fine, because then I know I need to find a more worthy playmate. But, more often than not in my experience, if you come out and say what you need to say, chances are you'll both emerge feeling victorious.
In conclusion, I say the Dating Game is the Dating Lame if it causes you to feel like you can't fully be who you are or communicate what you want. Embrace your self-awareness..anyone who does that is on the winning team for sure.
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