Can you believe I couldn't use my taste for avid blogging to get extensions on homework due dates? What is the world coming to? Anyway, to you my faithful readers I apologize for my lack of bloggage. The bright side is that I have had much time to converse with my friends and come up with today's topic: The Booth-Ache.
What do I mean by the Booth-Ache? I mean when you go out for a meal with someone and there is always that awkward moment of deciding who sits on which side of the booth, who gets to face the room, if there is a booth on one side and a chair on the other, can you sit on the same side, etc. The fact of the matter is we live in a square society. There are always tables, angles, corners, which unfortunately means you tend to find yourself choosing between one side or the other. For some people, this is not an issue. For others, the ultimate issue. How to cope with a booth-ache? Here are some general ideas for the different scenarios.
Scenario 1: The Great Debate
--We've all been there. You know, you arrive at the restaurant and one seat faces the room while the other is facing elsewhere. The general conversation in this case might go something like this:
Person A: Do you care which side?
Person B: No, whichever side you want is fine with me.
This leaves Person A in quite the pickle sometimes, because generally most people prefer to face the room. Normally I just acquiesce to Person B's kindness and take whichever side I want (depending on the date this may or may not be the seat closest to the nearest exit...). But then I dated a guy who had a pet peeve about not facing the room in a restaurant. He needed to be the one facing the room (or at least he needed more stimulation than my company). So, after dating this person, I made a rule for myself: Be Person A and do not ask "Do you care which side?" but rather ask "Do you have a preference and/or complex about where you sit?" This leaves it open for the Person B to say "Why yes."
Scenario 2: Sitting on the Same Side
--Do or don't? Personally I say don't. I like to look at a person when I am out with them. Not to mention it is world-class personal space bubble invasion to sit on the same side. And if you are right-handed and the other person is left-handed it can create the kind of elbow-rubbing they don't talk about at cocktail parties. Unless the booth is shaped in such a way that you end up side by side, I think being across from one another facilitates a better atmosphere for conversation. Not to mention it makes it easier to reach across the table and pick at the other person's entree. But that's a post for another time...
Scenario 3: Table with Booth Seating on One Side
--Many of these trendy restaurants have a booth-bench thingy on one side of a table and a chair on the other. This situation eliminates any possibility of sitting on the same side because the table is usually the size of a bathroom tile. You have to sit across from the other person in order to fit your food in front of you. My personal problem in this scenario is blatant selfishness because I want a place to put my purse. If I take the booth side of the table, not only am I comfortable, but my purse is as well. Ladies, we've ALL been there. This is not to say that a few times I have tried to be a better date and give the guy the booth side (admittedly they were nights when I carried a wristlet as opposed to a purse..). Gentlemen, typically it is easier to give the girl the benefit of the booth in this case, unless you too are carrying a purse. Also a post for another time...
The point ladies and gents is that there is always a minor stress factor as to who sits where when dining. I have received several bits of advice on the matter and here are the choice pearls:
--Guy Should Face the Room
Typically the male will be paying for the meal, so it is better for him to sit facing the room. This way he can flag down the waiter easier and is not constantly looking over his shoulder if something is needed.
--Sitting on the Same Side CAN Be Done Well
Usually at a breakfast/brunch/lunch scenario. Meals during these times are typically smaller than dinner and do not include wine or other such beverages (well....most of the time....). If you're really married to sitting side by side, sit at the bar.
--If You Have Trouble Focusing...
I am a total people-watcher. I often attempt to sit on the side not facing the room so that I can really pay attention to what's going on during the meal. More often I will try and find a booth/table that is against a wall so I can look to my right or left and see things happening. Nice compromise in the situation.
--If At All Possible...
Go King Arthur style and check for round tables. This way you can have proximity to whoever you are with and BOTH of you get to enjoy the aesthetics of your surroundings. If you know where you are going ahead of time see if you can visit the place's website and look for a layout (can you tell I'm often bored at work?).
Hopefully these were some helpful hints in finding comfortable seating in your next meal-out venture. Just make sure no matter where you end up sitting that wine glass and/or food spillage is prevented at all costs. Happy Monday!
Friday, September 10, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Textual Etiquette, Edition 2
After all the feedback from my first post about this, I have decided to add to it. Many people informed me of things that happen to them via text that could indeed be added to my list of etiquette and general observations on text messaging, so I give you Textual Etiquette Edition 2: On Haha's, Hehe's, Lol's, and Other Such Items.
Short disclaimer before I begin: I have been, understandably so, called out for reading too much into the realm of text messaging. Please be warned, I do not live my own text life by these standards all the time. These are just little things I notice and blog about, often when I am bored at work. It is by no means the be all end all of how and/or how not to text message. :)
(Oh no she used an emoticon at the end of that sentence..what could this mean?? And now a double question mark? Please see Edition One.)
On "Haha"
-Typically "haha" is used as a variation on "lol" (see below). It is generally used in response to something funny another party has said or as flavor in a sentence when describing something humorous. Examples:
--"Haha that's so funny!"
--"I can't believe that haha."
--"And then I spilled it everywhere haha."
If you read Edition One of this post topic, you will see my theories on multiple anything's in a text message, mostly in the realm of punctuation. This rule also applies to the variations of expressing laughter via text. If someone sends you "Haha," they probably smiled or chuckled. Whereas if you get a "HAHAHAHA," or "hahahaha," or, another variation "Bahahahaha," (this is a belly laugh in case you did not know) they probably are actually laughing. This means you can give yourself a pat on the back.
On "Lol"
-Probably one of the very first abbreviations I learned in my many forays into the realm of media communications. "Lol," short for laugh out loud, is used in much the same way as "haha." I find also, as with "haha," just one "lol" usually means someone cracked a smile or chuckled a bit. When someone sends "lolololol," they are probably actually laughing.
One of my favorite texts I ever received was in response to something I said, and the person said "I actually lol'ed at that." Proof positive that one "lol" does not convince me you are actually laughing (though I probably am because I crack myself up), not to mention the other variations on this particular abbreviation that communicate actual laughter such as "lmao," (laughing my --- off) or "rofl," (rolling on floor laughing).
I also find "lol" used to sort of soften a less positive text message. Examples:
--"Dude she's always late...lol."
--"That was so annoying lol."
In these cases, "lol" is used to say "I noticed these frustrating things, but I am not really that mad about it. But I noticed these frustrating things." Don't let this make you afraid to use the favored "lol." A little smile is always appreciated.
NOTE: I am currently working on coining the abbreviation HG for "hearty guffaw." I will keep you posted on how this goes.
On "Hehe"
-I typically find "hehe" used in a more devious context while texting. While "haha" and "lol" are used for general laughter, "hehe" is usually used after something scandalous is revealed. Examples:
--"So I put the rotten sandwich in his drawer hehehe"
--"Person A: Why is there water all over the floor?"
"Person B: Hehe."
This is not a set in stone rule for the usage of "hehe." But I have never found anyone to use "hehe," in any texts like the examples in the "haha" paragraph above.
On The Text Signature
-A text signature is when someone "signs" the end of their text, as in a letter. For instance:
--"Be there in 5 -Jennifer A."
--"Be there in 5 Love, Mom"
I generally find this to be unnecessary, though informative. If you are texting someone, chances are your number is in their phone and they know it is you. Besides, in these days of limited characters in a text (140 characters on my Blackberry Storm...how can they possibly expect me to communicate!?), why waste the space by double telling someone that it's you? It is certainly nice for the first text if the person does not have your number, or you are unsure if they have it. There is nothing worse than texting someone and saying "Hey!" and then getting a cold "Who's this?" in response. But after the initial text, have confidence that person you are texting will save your number, or lose it strategically and you will never have to text them again. If you REALLY have the hankering to sign things, get the person's e-mail address and write them a letter. :)
On Response Time
-Ah yes. The most delicate issue of text messaging. Text messaging is one of those insidious means of communication that make you always available yet leave you responsibility-free of responding immediately. I have had numerous conversations about how quickly someone responds to a text. I have narrowed it down to three categories of response times in the realm of text messaging:
--Immediator
Usually someone with a Blackberry or iPhone and they have it permanently glued to their hand. This person receives your text and responds within microseconds. And are currently in treatment for arthritis in their thumbs...
--The Little Later-er
Someone who received your text but is driving, in class, or in the middle of something that prevents them from responding to you until a later time. It could be they are talking to all of their friends trying to figure out the best thing with which to respond to the initial text. Or, one of my personal favorites, they are trying not to seem to available and theoretically could play the Immediator, but are choosing to hold out on response time. They typically get back to people anywhere from 45 minutes-4 hours.
NOTE: Most people walk the line between the Immediator and the Little Later-er. I like to call these people Normal.
--The Takes-So-Long-To-Respond-You-Forgot-You-Even-Texted-Them-At-All-er
We ALL know this type. If they respond at all, it is probably 3 days later to a text you do not even remember sending. You cannot even play the part of the Little Later-er and respond to them because they took so darn long you forgot all about them. I talked to someone like this once. It was HILARIOUS. He was probably going for some Guinness World Record for longest response time to an irrelevant convo. Some people just are not avid texters, and that is totally fine. But maybe people this category should incorporate a signature into their texts. No one will ever remember them because they take so long to respond!
Thus, I leave you having expounded upon some of my theories on texting. And I have successfully used up an hour and a half or so of time at work. Woohoo! Happy Monday!
Short disclaimer before I begin: I have been, understandably so, called out for reading too much into the realm of text messaging. Please be warned, I do not live my own text life by these standards all the time. These are just little things I notice and blog about, often when I am bored at work. It is by no means the be all end all of how and/or how not to text message. :)
(Oh no she used an emoticon at the end of that sentence..what could this mean?? And now a double question mark? Please see Edition One.)
On "Haha"
-Typically "haha" is used as a variation on "lol" (see below). It is generally used in response to something funny another party has said or as flavor in a sentence when describing something humorous. Examples:
--"Haha that's so funny!"
--"I can't believe that haha."
--"And then I spilled it everywhere haha."
If you read Edition One of this post topic, you will see my theories on multiple anything's in a text message, mostly in the realm of punctuation. This rule also applies to the variations of expressing laughter via text. If someone sends you "Haha," they probably smiled or chuckled. Whereas if you get a "HAHAHAHA," or "hahahaha," or, another variation "Bahahahaha," (this is a belly laugh in case you did not know) they probably are actually laughing. This means you can give yourself a pat on the back.
On "Lol"
-Probably one of the very first abbreviations I learned in my many forays into the realm of media communications. "Lol," short for laugh out loud, is used in much the same way as "haha." I find also, as with "haha," just one "lol" usually means someone cracked a smile or chuckled a bit. When someone sends "lolololol," they are probably actually laughing.
One of my favorite texts I ever received was in response to something I said, and the person said "I actually lol'ed at that." Proof positive that one "lol" does not convince me you are actually laughing (though I probably am because I crack myself up), not to mention the other variations on this particular abbreviation that communicate actual laughter such as "lmao," (laughing my --- off) or "rofl," (rolling on floor laughing).
I also find "lol" used to sort of soften a less positive text message. Examples:
--"Dude she's always late...lol."
--"That was so annoying lol."
In these cases, "lol" is used to say "I noticed these frustrating things, but I am not really that mad about it. But I noticed these frustrating things." Don't let this make you afraid to use the favored "lol." A little smile is always appreciated.
NOTE: I am currently working on coining the abbreviation HG for "hearty guffaw." I will keep you posted on how this goes.
On "Hehe"
-I typically find "hehe" used in a more devious context while texting. While "haha" and "lol" are used for general laughter, "hehe" is usually used after something scandalous is revealed. Examples:
--"So I put the rotten sandwich in his drawer hehehe"
--"Person A: Why is there water all over the floor?"
"Person B: Hehe."
This is not a set in stone rule for the usage of "hehe." But I have never found anyone to use "hehe," in any texts like the examples in the "haha" paragraph above.
On The Text Signature
-A text signature is when someone "signs" the end of their text, as in a letter. For instance:
--"Be there in 5 -Jennifer A."
--"Be there in 5 Love, Mom"
I generally find this to be unnecessary, though informative. If you are texting someone, chances are your number is in their phone and they know it is you. Besides, in these days of limited characters in a text (140 characters on my Blackberry Storm...how can they possibly expect me to communicate!?), why waste the space by double telling someone that it's you? It is certainly nice for the first text if the person does not have your number, or you are unsure if they have it. There is nothing worse than texting someone and saying "Hey!" and then getting a cold "Who's this?" in response. But after the initial text, have confidence that person you are texting will save your number, or lose it strategically and you will never have to text them again. If you REALLY have the hankering to sign things, get the person's e-mail address and write them a letter. :)
On Response Time
-Ah yes. The most delicate issue of text messaging. Text messaging is one of those insidious means of communication that make you always available yet leave you responsibility-free of responding immediately. I have had numerous conversations about how quickly someone responds to a text. I have narrowed it down to three categories of response times in the realm of text messaging:
--Immediator
Usually someone with a Blackberry or iPhone and they have it permanently glued to their hand. This person receives your text and responds within microseconds. And are currently in treatment for arthritis in their thumbs...
--The Little Later-er
Someone who received your text but is driving, in class, or in the middle of something that prevents them from responding to you until a later time. It could be they are talking to all of their friends trying to figure out the best thing with which to respond to the initial text. Or, one of my personal favorites, they are trying not to seem to available and theoretically could play the Immediator, but are choosing to hold out on response time. They typically get back to people anywhere from 45 minutes-4 hours.
NOTE: Most people walk the line between the Immediator and the Little Later-er. I like to call these people Normal.
--The Takes-So-Long-To-Respond-You-Forgot-You-Even-Texted-Them-At-All-er
We ALL know this type. If they respond at all, it is probably 3 days later to a text you do not even remember sending. You cannot even play the part of the Little Later-er and respond to them because they took so darn long you forgot all about them. I talked to someone like this once. It was HILARIOUS. He was probably going for some Guinness World Record for longest response time to an irrelevant convo. Some people just are not avid texters, and that is totally fine. But maybe people this category should incorporate a signature into their texts. No one will ever remember them because they take so long to respond!
Thus, I leave you having expounded upon some of my theories on texting. And I have successfully used up an hour and a half or so of time at work. Woohoo! Happy Monday!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
It's All Good Fun Until Somebody Loses an "I."
I heard this song the other day by a band called The Script called "Break Even." In the song, they talk about how the guy is bemoaning his sad emotional state when his girlfriend leaves him. The thing that struck me about it though was the chorus. While the line "When a heart breaks no it don't break even," is quite clever and mostly true, the other part says "What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you." What?? The best part about you isn't even you?? That's going to become a problem down the line. Or at least fodder for a brilliant blog post.
So I started thinking about all the cliches we have for when we meet someone really great like "they complete me," or "I found what my heart has been missing," or "they are the missing piece," or, if I may reference some of the choice gentlemen in my history, "the missing link..." anyway, you get my drift. So I began thinking, how can we possibly expect relationships to work out if you expect someone to complete you as a person? I am in a relationship with myself 24/7, and now I have to complete someone? Please.
So this led to a time of introspection. I concluded that it has long been a flaw of mine that, when in a relationship setting, I tend to concede certain things that I normally would not. This began in high school when I dated a boy who hated coming to my piano recitals. In case you do not know, piano is my LIFE. So any normal person would say "This just isn't working out," but nooooo. I stuck with him for a reallllyyyy long time. When we did eventually break up I vowed never to do anything like that again. Fast forward to my next few relationships where my music was appreciated, but certain aspects of my personality were stifled and/or pushed aside because "I loved him," and sometimes you have to compromise. Newsflash: it's not compromise if you are the only one doing it! [I know, my great epiphanies are generally common knowledge, but hey, the road to self-discovery is a long one. Give me a break.]
It's one thing to set out to find "the one who completes you," but it's entirely different to find someone, and then lose yourself in the process. I often wonder how long it would have been before I lost more than I gained in my previous relationships. I am really grateful for the time I am spending as a single person, even if crazy things happen to me, because it has given me ample opportunity to get to know the scary inner-workings of my brain. It has certainly given me motivation to become more self-aware in my dating life, if nothing else.
So, it is difficult to give advice on how to achieve self-awareness. It will forever be a work in progress for me. The best advice I have come by however came from a dear friend at a rather happy happy hour. She said, "I have my deal breakers, and those are what I go by." Hers included the man's religious affiliations, eventual desires for children, among others. She is consistently aware of things that she will not compromise for herself in a relationship setting. I find this admirable and amazing because I realized at that moment I never even thought about my deal breakers...at least beyond the fact that I don't want to date an ex-con. Maybe the reason I give in so easily is because I never actually fortified my brain to keep my terms in the forefront of my mind.
Though this pearl of wisdom is great, the ultimate journey to self-awareness has to be on your terms. Particularly when dating, you need to be vigilant about how you and the other person are acting and how it makes you feel. So many people say "I should have broken up with that person when...". You do not have to be that person if you stick to your guns and take no prisoners about it. Listen to yourself. Notice things and allow yourself to think about them.
I dated this guy one time who was a very dynamic (which is a nice way of saying hyper) person, much like myself. While we were seeing each other I was all enamoured and thinking he was so great, but a voice in my head kept saying there was no balance. Our personalities were too similar. It ended up not working out and I wished I had taken the time to really think about what my brain was telling me. I probably would have proceeded differently, or at least with more caution. Again, I let myself go a little bit in that situation. So I'm still learning to live by my own rule that the ultimate way to keep yourself is to know yourself.
[NOTE: I'm not saying we are all perfect. Sometimes, relationships will require us to change for the better or just for the different. Just make sure it is not a one-sided deal.]
In conclusion, whether you're in a relationship, fresh out of one, married for 72 years, or single, you need to remember you are a complete person in yourself. Whoever you're with can bring out the best IN you, but you can't expect them to complete you. That would be exhausting! To contradict The Script, no one but YOU should be the best part about YOU, whether the heart "breaks even" or not. Happy almost weekend!
So I started thinking about all the cliches we have for when we meet someone really great like "they complete me," or "I found what my heart has been missing," or "they are the missing piece," or, if I may reference some of the choice gentlemen in my history, "the missing link..." anyway, you get my drift. So I began thinking, how can we possibly expect relationships to work out if you expect someone to complete you as a person? I am in a relationship with myself 24/7, and now I have to complete someone? Please.
So this led to a time of introspection. I concluded that it has long been a flaw of mine that, when in a relationship setting, I tend to concede certain things that I normally would not. This began in high school when I dated a boy who hated coming to my piano recitals. In case you do not know, piano is my LIFE. So any normal person would say "This just isn't working out," but nooooo. I stuck with him for a reallllyyyy long time. When we did eventually break up I vowed never to do anything like that again. Fast forward to my next few relationships where my music was appreciated, but certain aspects of my personality were stifled and/or pushed aside because "I loved him," and sometimes you have to compromise. Newsflash: it's not compromise if you are the only one doing it! [I know, my great epiphanies are generally common knowledge, but hey, the road to self-discovery is a long one. Give me a break.]
It's one thing to set out to find "the one who completes you," but it's entirely different to find someone, and then lose yourself in the process. I often wonder how long it would have been before I lost more than I gained in my previous relationships. I am really grateful for the time I am spending as a single person, even if crazy things happen to me, because it has given me ample opportunity to get to know the scary inner-workings of my brain. It has certainly given me motivation to become more self-aware in my dating life, if nothing else.
So, it is difficult to give advice on how to achieve self-awareness. It will forever be a work in progress for me. The best advice I have come by however came from a dear friend at a rather happy happy hour. She said, "I have my deal breakers, and those are what I go by." Hers included the man's religious affiliations, eventual desires for children, among others. She is consistently aware of things that she will not compromise for herself in a relationship setting. I find this admirable and amazing because I realized at that moment I never even thought about my deal breakers...at least beyond the fact that I don't want to date an ex-con. Maybe the reason I give in so easily is because I never actually fortified my brain to keep my terms in the forefront of my mind.
Though this pearl of wisdom is great, the ultimate journey to self-awareness has to be on your terms. Particularly when dating, you need to be vigilant about how you and the other person are acting and how it makes you feel. So many people say "I should have broken up with that person when...". You do not have to be that person if you stick to your guns and take no prisoners about it. Listen to yourself. Notice things and allow yourself to think about them.
I dated this guy one time who was a very dynamic (which is a nice way of saying hyper) person, much like myself. While we were seeing each other I was all enamoured and thinking he was so great, but a voice in my head kept saying there was no balance. Our personalities were too similar. It ended up not working out and I wished I had taken the time to really think about what my brain was telling me. I probably would have proceeded differently, or at least with more caution. Again, I let myself go a little bit in that situation. So I'm still learning to live by my own rule that the ultimate way to keep yourself is to know yourself.
[NOTE: I'm not saying we are all perfect. Sometimes, relationships will require us to change for the better or just for the different. Just make sure it is not a one-sided deal.]
In conclusion, whether you're in a relationship, fresh out of one, married for 72 years, or single, you need to remember you are a complete person in yourself. Whoever you're with can bring out the best IN you, but you can't expect them to complete you. That would be exhausting! To contradict The Script, no one but YOU should be the best part about YOU, whether the heart "breaks even" or not. Happy almost weekend!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Bar Wars, Episodes 1, 2, and 3
Today, in honor of the weekend, I will tell a story. A story of love, loss, and bars. I shall preface this story as follows:
Have you ever been out on a weekend night and spent a decent amount of time throwing glances over your shoulder? Or making sure you have the seat that faces the door so you can see everyone coming in? Or you feel like you need to find a fire hydrant nearby and mark the territory so undesirable acquaintances do not show? This my friends, is what I like to call Bar Wars, Episodes 1, 2, and 3. While sometimes you look forward to a certain someone showing up, in this particular case I speak of the terror you feel when you are out at a place where you used to go all the time with someone you once dated. When things end, you almost need a custody agreement of who gets to go where when, or you both must suffer through the awkwardness of seeing each other out all the time. So I will tell you the story of two girls.
It began during the summer. Two girls, Desdemona and Ophelia, who had never met, were dating two guys, Othello and Hamlet. Othello and Hamlet were such good friends they could have been brothers. They introduced Juliet and Ophelia, who clicked, and the foursome enjoyed many a fun night out in the various areas where they lived. Then, one dark and dreary night, one of the couples ended their relationship. Hamlet and Ophelia were no more. A painful issue for Ophelia was that technically the custody of the friendship with the other couple should pass to Hamlet, being that he was friends with the other parties first, and best friends with Othello long before the girls even entered the scene. Nonetheless, the girls determined to remain friends.
They met fairly frequently over the next few months for happy hours, wine, and shopping, but on occasion, the boys would show up and it would cause a commotion. Obviously, it was completely normal for Othello to show up because he and Desdemona were together. And it was perfectly natural for Hamlet to accompany Othello given that they were practically brothers. But this was always a sticking point for Ophelia, because she could not claim any turf as her own. There was nowhere she and Desdemona could go that would be completely risk-free of Hamlet showing up. But Ophelia persevered, and time went on.
As time goes on, things change, and eventually Desdemona and Othello severed their ties as well. So of course, when ties are severed, wine must be imbibed and friends must meet to discuss the event. So it goes with Desdemona and Ophelia. When they did meet, they met at one of their most favorite places in the southern part of the province. This was a place frequented by the couples when they were together. Now Ophelia lived quite close to it, and Desdemona worked nearby, so it was a convenient meeting spot as well as a lovely venue.
During the pow-wow, Ophelia noticed that Desdemona kept throwing glances over her shoulder, and was in a nervous frame of mind. Ophelia, recognizing the gestures, then informed her that there was no way Othello or Hamlet would possibly show their faces. "How could they?" said Ophelia. "I live here, you work nearby. Essentially if the boys showed up they would be guaranteed to see us." Because neither boy lived, worked, or had family nearby they lost their claim on the southern realm. And if they did show up, it would be an obvious affront and invasion. Or a deliberate attempt to see one of the girls and incite rage.
And so the story goes that the boys never showed their faces in that land again, in fact a verbal concession/surrender of the land was made to Desdemona by Othello, and the girls vowed never to enter the lands inhabited by the boys either.
The point of this story: there are many things that constitute turf. But the main players are who lives closest, who works closest, who knows local people better, who goes there more often, and who you are with that makes it more socially graceful for one person or another to show up. We have all been there when someone comes to a night out and are not uninvited but almost worse...unexpected. Yes this is America, we are a free country and you can go wherever you want. But along those same lines, because it is America, there are probably about 856 other places you can go to get the same experience without having to run into people and make it awkward. Sometimes you have to take one for the team and find a new venue (though a little social pot-stirring on Friday tends to make good brunch convo on Saturday).
So wherever you find yourself this weekend, enjoy the company and the time, even if it does stir the social pot. What's life without a little bar wars anyway? Besides, if you find you are really worried about keeping your turf safe, you can always stake the ultimate claim and move in across the street from the main street of town (who would do that?). Anyway, It's supposed to be a BEAUTIFUL weekend so wherever you are, hopefully your turf will include some surf! Happy Friday!
Have you ever been out on a weekend night and spent a decent amount of time throwing glances over your shoulder? Or making sure you have the seat that faces the door so you can see everyone coming in? Or you feel like you need to find a fire hydrant nearby and mark the territory so undesirable acquaintances do not show? This my friends, is what I like to call Bar Wars, Episodes 1, 2, and 3. While sometimes you look forward to a certain someone showing up, in this particular case I speak of the terror you feel when you are out at a place where you used to go all the time with someone you once dated. When things end, you almost need a custody agreement of who gets to go where when, or you both must suffer through the awkwardness of seeing each other out all the time. So I will tell you the story of two girls.
It began during the summer. Two girls, Desdemona and Ophelia, who had never met, were dating two guys, Othello and Hamlet. Othello and Hamlet were such good friends they could have been brothers. They introduced Juliet and Ophelia, who clicked, and the foursome enjoyed many a fun night out in the various areas where they lived. Then, one dark and dreary night, one of the couples ended their relationship. Hamlet and Ophelia were no more. A painful issue for Ophelia was that technically the custody of the friendship with the other couple should pass to Hamlet, being that he was friends with the other parties first, and best friends with Othello long before the girls even entered the scene. Nonetheless, the girls determined to remain friends.
They met fairly frequently over the next few months for happy hours, wine, and shopping, but on occasion, the boys would show up and it would cause a commotion. Obviously, it was completely normal for Othello to show up because he and Desdemona were together. And it was perfectly natural for Hamlet to accompany Othello given that they were practically brothers. But this was always a sticking point for Ophelia, because she could not claim any turf as her own. There was nowhere she and Desdemona could go that would be completely risk-free of Hamlet showing up. But Ophelia persevered, and time went on.
As time goes on, things change, and eventually Desdemona and Othello severed their ties as well. So of course, when ties are severed, wine must be imbibed and friends must meet to discuss the event. So it goes with Desdemona and Ophelia. When they did meet, they met at one of their most favorite places in the southern part of the province. This was a place frequented by the couples when they were together. Now Ophelia lived quite close to it, and Desdemona worked nearby, so it was a convenient meeting spot as well as a lovely venue.
During the pow-wow, Ophelia noticed that Desdemona kept throwing glances over her shoulder, and was in a nervous frame of mind. Ophelia, recognizing the gestures, then informed her that there was no way Othello or Hamlet would possibly show their faces. "How could they?" said Ophelia. "I live here, you work nearby. Essentially if the boys showed up they would be guaranteed to see us." Because neither boy lived, worked, or had family nearby they lost their claim on the southern realm. And if they did show up, it would be an obvious affront and invasion. Or a deliberate attempt to see one of the girls and incite rage.
And so the story goes that the boys never showed their faces in that land again, in fact a verbal concession/surrender of the land was made to Desdemona by Othello, and the girls vowed never to enter the lands inhabited by the boys either.
The point of this story: there are many things that constitute turf. But the main players are who lives closest, who works closest, who knows local people better, who goes there more often, and who you are with that makes it more socially graceful for one person or another to show up. We have all been there when someone comes to a night out and are not uninvited but almost worse...unexpected. Yes this is America, we are a free country and you can go wherever you want. But along those same lines, because it is America, there are probably about 856 other places you can go to get the same experience without having to run into people and make it awkward. Sometimes you have to take one for the team and find a new venue (though a little social pot-stirring on Friday tends to make good brunch convo on Saturday).
So wherever you find yourself this weekend, enjoy the company and the time, even if it does stir the social pot. What's life without a little bar wars anyway? Besides, if you find you are really worried about keeping your turf safe, you can always stake the ultimate claim and move in across the street from the main street of town (who would do that?). Anyway, It's supposed to be a BEAUTIFUL weekend so wherever you are, hopefully your turf will include some surf! Happy Friday!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Thursday is TIACD Day!
Welcome to this week's edition of Things I Am Currently Digging! Let's see who our winners are this week.
Pointy-Toed Flats
--Pointy-toed flats, while still in last season, were a little more MIA than times previous. Thankfully, there was a full page dedicated to them in the latest issue of In-Style magazine and I am SO pumped! I like to find mine at Steve Madden, personally. :)
www.stevemadden.com
--Pointy-toed flats, while still in last season, were a little more MIA than times previous. Thankfully, there was a full page dedicated to them in the latest issue of In-Style magazine and I am SO pumped! I like to find mine at Steve Madden, personally. :)
www.stevemadden.com
Sula Paint And Peel Nail Polish
--This nail polish is water-based and does NOT require nail polish remover. Literally you just peel it off your nails when you're ready to take it off. This cuts down on chipping, just be careful if you happen to run without socks because your entire self-pedi may peel off (yes, I did it). But they have some sweet colors, and I am in love with ALL of them, though Haze has been my summer choice. You can buy it online, or I also found mine at my local Anthropologie.
Sanuk "Sandals"
--These close-toed shoes claim to be sandals on the label, and are quite possibly the most comfortable thing I have EVER purchased. The shoe itself kind of looks like Keds and Sperry had a baby, and it got all the best traits in the gene pool. They look super cute with shorts or with jeans, and run relatively true to size. I'm not sure what the etiquette is, but I will probably find a way to wear them in winter because they are so awesome.
The Gospel Sandwich
--This sandwich is the gospel truth of goodness in my humble opinion. A favorite of my dad's side of the fam, the sandwich was christened the "Gospel Sandwich," because the miracle of Jesus feeding the people with 5 loaves and 2 fish (the two primary ingredients in the meal) is mentioned in all four gospels. My mother says the only reason that miracle happened is because only one boy's mother remembered to pack him lunch. But I digress. This sandwich has inspired me to purchase a skillet and the ingredients are as follows:
-1 fresh fish fillet (in the summer my family goes deep sea fishing...the catch of the day is always on hand)
-2 slices of whole wheat bread, toasted
-fry the fish in butter with salt and pepper
-put on bread
-prepare for Gospel goodness.
It is delicious, and fairly healthy if you use natural ingredients. You can also bake the fish as well, and for that I would encourage Italian dressing and just a dash of mayo or avocado.
Well, I think that does it for this week. Hopefully I'll find some good stuff when I go back-to-school shopping, woohoo! Happy almost weekend everyone!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Things I Learned To Do By Myself
So I spend a decent amount of this bloggage asserting my independence as a free-wheeling single woman in the 21st century. But I must confess, I was not always this way. I had a lot of help along the way to my ultimate feelings of power. So I give you a list of things I had to learn to do by myself because I don't have a boyfriend, roommate, or closely accessible parental figure (with the exception of my wonderful aunt and her family) readily available to me, and my two darling felines are relatively useless.
Clean.
--I'm not a dirty person by any means, but I am a great big slob. Through the years I have managed to somehow procure semi-compulsive cleaners into my web of friendship and roommate-hood. I have been very lucky. But now I am on my own, and am pretty sure there are 3 or 4 extra people or cats secretly living in my apartment with the amount I have to clean everything. It's terrible! I had to text a previous roommate and let her know I was actually becoming a legitimate human being because I cleaned my bedroom TWICE in one week. Ridiculous, because in times previous it was a miracle if I cleaned my bedroom twice in a semester. I even bought a Swiffer sweeper, which caused this same roommate to question the alignment of the planets. Anyway, I'm practically the poster child for Clorox wipes now, which I am convinced could probably clean up the BP oil spill.
Decorate.
--I have also been lucky in the past to move in with people who already had stuff in the apartment. I never owned a couch, a framed picture, or an end table until just recently when I moved into my own place, which much to my chagrin, didn't come furnished. So I now have in my possession some area rugs, fake plants, framed pictures, and a futon, along with some other knick-knacks that are starting to make the place come together. What I really can't wait for is to decorate for Christmas. And to get up the courage to make my way to Ikea to finish the place (going to Ikea is, unfortunately, something I think I shall NEVER learn to do by myself. Too overwhelming).
Put Sunscreen On My Back.
--If you read my TIACD post last week it mentioned that my favorite sunscreen had a multi-directional spray feature, meaning it sprays upside-down. This is great because it's a long time since I had a strapping young lad or a cabana boy to put some SPF on my broad shoulder blades. Unfortunately, before I discovered this godsend, I had many a painful splotch and a somewhat uneven tan. But now it's all good. Thank you Neutrogena, from single beach-goers everywhere!
Buttons and Zippers and Clasps, Oh My!
--My mother used to say she married my father so he could zip up her dresses, button back buttons, and hook delicate clasps on jewelry. I used to chuckle and say, "Oh mom, that's so silly." But, as is usually the case, my mom is a genius and I begin to see the method to her madness. I have NEVER had a more difficult time getting into and out of clothes as recently. I'm sure if anyone could see in my window in the morning, the image of my attempting to jump off my dresser into a pair of skinny jeans would be quite the spectacle. I've put on more clothing backwards first to get it zipped only to have the zipper catch on my hair or undershirt or something painful. Not to mention the muscular discipline it takes to suck in and zip at the same time (try that Pilates class). It's insane. I've almost said no to entire clothing purchases because I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to get into, or worse, get out of them.
Move.
--In the past, when I have moved from apartment to apartment I have had the help of my dad or an ex-boyfriend who felt particularly guilty about crushing my soul. This past time when I moved, my dad was unavailable and I had spurned all male resources in the immediate area. So, with the help of my roommate, her amazing Ford Escape, and some friends I managed to get everything into my apartment. But with unpacking and furnishing I actually ended up carrying just about EVERYTHING else all by myself. The only thing the cats helped with was moral support by meowing every time I came up the stairs. Thanks guys. It did feel kind of liberating at first...until I woke up the next morning and literally could not move one limb of my poor body.
Hang Stuff and Put Stuff Together.
--Along with moving, I also had to learn to assemble things and hang things. This was interesting. But I managed to assemble my futon with relatively little incident. That is to say, it is still in one piece serving a purpose. Which is more than I can say for those stupid wall-hanging-sticky-hook-things from Scotch. My floating shelves almost took out my cat the other day as they fell to the floor. Oops...
Cook.
--Ok actually I'm still working on this one. I don't even own a frying pan. Don't tell my dad.
Kill Bugs.
--I lied when I said my cats were useless. It turns out that Rilke and Coleridge (Coley) can actually prove very helpful in torturing and killing any unwanted critter in my apartment. However, before they can get their paws on them, the abject terror I experience at having to slay a bug, or in the event that they are the size of a small SUV, catch them and put them outside rivals the feeling you get in that dream where you realize you're naked in the middle of class. Many a time has my battle cry pierced the night as I run towards my foe and attempt to rid my habitat of its presence. The first morning I moved in there was a bug in my kitchen sink..you know, one of those ones with about 297862598765 legs and a license to terrorize? Let's just say I now have a designated bug-slaying flip flop that comes complete with a cry of terror and a phone call to my mother afterward to talk my heart rate down to a normal, human speed.
The sad thing about this list is that it is by NO means exhaustive. Whoever said you learn something new everyday obviously lived by themselves for a good period of time. But I have to admit I feel kind of excited every time I accomplish something, even if it is as small as purchasing a Swiffer and actually cleaning with it. Who needs a man or a roommate anyway? Now if you'll excuse me, I have go untangle my hair from the necklace I was attempting to wear today...
Clean.
--I'm not a dirty person by any means, but I am a great big slob. Through the years I have managed to somehow procure semi-compulsive cleaners into my web of friendship and roommate-hood. I have been very lucky. But now I am on my own, and am pretty sure there are 3 or 4 extra people or cats secretly living in my apartment with the amount I have to clean everything. It's terrible! I had to text a previous roommate and let her know I was actually becoming a legitimate human being because I cleaned my bedroom TWICE in one week. Ridiculous, because in times previous it was a miracle if I cleaned my bedroom twice in a semester. I even bought a Swiffer sweeper, which caused this same roommate to question the alignment of the planets. Anyway, I'm practically the poster child for Clorox wipes now, which I am convinced could probably clean up the BP oil spill.
Decorate.
--I have also been lucky in the past to move in with people who already had stuff in the apartment. I never owned a couch, a framed picture, or an end table until just recently when I moved into my own place, which much to my chagrin, didn't come furnished. So I now have in my possession some area rugs, fake plants, framed pictures, and a futon, along with some other knick-knacks that are starting to make the place come together. What I really can't wait for is to decorate for Christmas. And to get up the courage to make my way to Ikea to finish the place (going to Ikea is, unfortunately, something I think I shall NEVER learn to do by myself. Too overwhelming).
Put Sunscreen On My Back.
--If you read my TIACD post last week it mentioned that my favorite sunscreen had a multi-directional spray feature, meaning it sprays upside-down. This is great because it's a long time since I had a strapping young lad or a cabana boy to put some SPF on my broad shoulder blades. Unfortunately, before I discovered this godsend, I had many a painful splotch and a somewhat uneven tan. But now it's all good. Thank you Neutrogena, from single beach-goers everywhere!
Buttons and Zippers and Clasps, Oh My!
--My mother used to say she married my father so he could zip up her dresses, button back buttons, and hook delicate clasps on jewelry. I used to chuckle and say, "Oh mom, that's so silly." But, as is usually the case, my mom is a genius and I begin to see the method to her madness. I have NEVER had a more difficult time getting into and out of clothes as recently. I'm sure if anyone could see in my window in the morning, the image of my attempting to jump off my dresser into a pair of skinny jeans would be quite the spectacle. I've put on more clothing backwards first to get it zipped only to have the zipper catch on my hair or undershirt or something painful. Not to mention the muscular discipline it takes to suck in and zip at the same time (try that Pilates class). It's insane. I've almost said no to entire clothing purchases because I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to get into, or worse, get out of them.
Move.
--In the past, when I have moved from apartment to apartment I have had the help of my dad or an ex-boyfriend who felt particularly guilty about crushing my soul. This past time when I moved, my dad was unavailable and I had spurned all male resources in the immediate area. So, with the help of my roommate, her amazing Ford Escape, and some friends I managed to get everything into my apartment. But with unpacking and furnishing I actually ended up carrying just about EVERYTHING else all by myself. The only thing the cats helped with was moral support by meowing every time I came up the stairs. Thanks guys. It did feel kind of liberating at first...until I woke up the next morning and literally could not move one limb of my poor body.
Hang Stuff and Put Stuff Together.
--Along with moving, I also had to learn to assemble things and hang things. This was interesting. But I managed to assemble my futon with relatively little incident. That is to say, it is still in one piece serving a purpose. Which is more than I can say for those stupid wall-hanging-sticky-hook-things from Scotch. My floating shelves almost took out my cat the other day as they fell to the floor. Oops...
Cook.
--Ok actually I'm still working on this one. I don't even own a frying pan. Don't tell my dad.
Kill Bugs.
--I lied when I said my cats were useless. It turns out that Rilke and Coleridge (Coley) can actually prove very helpful in torturing and killing any unwanted critter in my apartment. However, before they can get their paws on them, the abject terror I experience at having to slay a bug, or in the event that they are the size of a small SUV, catch them and put them outside rivals the feeling you get in that dream where you realize you're naked in the middle of class. Many a time has my battle cry pierced the night as I run towards my foe and attempt to rid my habitat of its presence. The first morning I moved in there was a bug in my kitchen sink..you know, one of those ones with about 297862598765 legs and a license to terrorize? Let's just say I now have a designated bug-slaying flip flop that comes complete with a cry of terror and a phone call to my mother afterward to talk my heart rate down to a normal, human speed.
The sad thing about this list is that it is by NO means exhaustive. Whoever said you learn something new everyday obviously lived by themselves for a good period of time. But I have to admit I feel kind of excited every time I accomplish something, even if it is as small as purchasing a Swiffer and actually cleaning with it. Who needs a man or a roommate anyway? Now if you'll excuse me, I have go untangle my hair from the necklace I was attempting to wear today...
Monday, August 16, 2010
Your Date Is A Person Too.
I'm sure the title of this post made you go "Duh." But recently I have noticed how easy it is to almost forget that the person across the table or on the other side of the phone/facebook chat/BBM, what have you, is a person too. Often, I find myself in a situation where I super-impose all of my expectations and past experiences onto the person I'm dating without taking into consideration the kinds of things they may be thinking about me.
I know...no wonder she's single if she's that self-centered! But think about it. Say your last relationship ended in a shambles. Maybe you were cheated on, maybe you were unexpected dumped, or maybe you were the cheater or the unexpected dumper....obviously going on a date is going to bring some insecurities and trust issues to the surface. It is difficult to be in that type of situation and not wonder how things might play out. For myself, it has often caused me to end everything entirely because I'm so worried about something bad happening that I just can't risk it. So I now keep a few things in mind when going on a date to remind me that my date is a person too.
You're Not the Only One With Past Experiences
--Remembering this will, if nothing else, make you a more considerate date. You know when things have made you angry, hurt you, annoyed you to the point on no return, etc. Keeping in mind that whoever you are with has all of these things on their mind as well will keep you humble and make you a better date. You don't necessarily have to talk about all your hang-up's (in fact I highly encourage you not to at first, unless you can make it funny), but bear them in mind so you don't commit crimes you have formerly prosecuted internally.
You May Remind Them Of Someone Too
--Ever been on a date and you think "Oh my gosh this guy so reminds me of..." For me, I always hope that sentence ends with "Brad Pitt." But in the mortal realm it usually is someone I've dated before. Bear in mind that you may remind them of someone as well. Anyone remember that Usher song? "You remind me of a girl that I once knew, see her face whenever I look at you" etc. By the end of the refrain he essentially tells this woman he can't be with her because she reminds him too much of a terrible ex-girlfriend. Which brings me to my next point...
[NOTE: Personally, I'd rather remind a guy of an ex than of his mother....(yes that has happened to me...it's weird).]
They Are Not Your Ex. You Are Not Their Ex.
--Generally we are attracted to a type. Chances are the people you date are going to have things in common with one another. Hopefully these traits include terrifically intelligent or dashingly handsome, but they may also include commitment-phobe or anal retentive. Remember when you're out with this person that whatever they may have in common with someone from your past, they ARE NOT, I repeat ARE NOT them. Be careful not to super-impose your expectations or disappointments on some poor soul who has no idea.
Realize They May Not Be Interested.
--Ah yes, the ultimate humility move. Understanding that if your date is a person too, they are not the only party who may or may not develop an interest. It may turn out that they may be EXACTLY what you're looking for, but you are far from what they need. It's super annoying when it happens, and I'm not saying you shouldn't go out for a sour amaretto (go out for one, don't be one! See Bitter, Party of One post) with some friends and talk about what an idiot someone would have to be for not wanting to be with you, but I always try to remember the many times that a guy hasn't been what I needed either. If nothing else, remembering that thought softens the blow (the sour amaretto and good company can't hurt either).
End Well
--My ultimate postulate in remembering that my date is a person too is to treat them with respect. When you date someone, you both give up time and some energy to the potential involved. Respect and listen to what they have to say while you're seeing each other (they may turn out to be some kind of crazy person, but still, you never know what you can learn). And, if it turns out that you become the less-than-interested party, you should treat the other person respectfully and let them know. Admittedly I employed what I like to call the Lock-Jaw Tactic for a long time before it hit me: I hate it when people do that to me, so why do I treat other people that way? I chalked it up to subconscious revenge, but I have since changed my ways. Anyway, pick up the phone, press the send button, and be a grown-up. Doing this not only shows respect for the time spent, but also cuts down on the awkward factor if you ever run into the person again.
NOTE: Occasionally the Lock-Jaw Tactic can be justified...my general rule of thumb is 1 date can merit zero response; 2 dates deserves a "No Thank You" text; 3 or more deserves a phone call.
The moral of the story is that everyone has a story. Your date may not know yours, you may not know theirs, but it is imperative to acknowledge this. Being empathetic not only makes you a better date, it makes you a better person. Awareness of others contributes to awareness of self which builds confidence in self. And having those things will make your date see that you are a person too. Happy Monday (if there is such a thing...)!
I know...no wonder she's single if she's that self-centered! But think about it. Say your last relationship ended in a shambles. Maybe you were cheated on, maybe you were unexpected dumped, or maybe you were the cheater or the unexpected dumper....obviously going on a date is going to bring some insecurities and trust issues to the surface. It is difficult to be in that type of situation and not wonder how things might play out. For myself, it has often caused me to end everything entirely because I'm so worried about something bad happening that I just can't risk it. So I now keep a few things in mind when going on a date to remind me that my date is a person too.
You're Not the Only One With Past Experiences
--Remembering this will, if nothing else, make you a more considerate date. You know when things have made you angry, hurt you, annoyed you to the point on no return, etc. Keeping in mind that whoever you are with has all of these things on their mind as well will keep you humble and make you a better date. You don't necessarily have to talk about all your hang-up's (in fact I highly encourage you not to at first, unless you can make it funny), but bear them in mind so you don't commit crimes you have formerly prosecuted internally.
You May Remind Them Of Someone Too
--Ever been on a date and you think "Oh my gosh this guy so reminds me of..." For me, I always hope that sentence ends with "Brad Pitt." But in the mortal realm it usually is someone I've dated before. Bear in mind that you may remind them of someone as well. Anyone remember that Usher song? "You remind me of a girl that I once knew, see her face whenever I look at you" etc. By the end of the refrain he essentially tells this woman he can't be with her because she reminds him too much of a terrible ex-girlfriend. Which brings me to my next point...
[NOTE: Personally, I'd rather remind a guy of an ex than of his mother....(yes that has happened to me...it's weird).]
They Are Not Your Ex. You Are Not Their Ex.
--Generally we are attracted to a type. Chances are the people you date are going to have things in common with one another. Hopefully these traits include terrifically intelligent or dashingly handsome, but they may also include commitment-phobe or anal retentive. Remember when you're out with this person that whatever they may have in common with someone from your past, they ARE NOT, I repeat ARE NOT them. Be careful not to super-impose your expectations or disappointments on some poor soul who has no idea.
Realize They May Not Be Interested.
--Ah yes, the ultimate humility move. Understanding that if your date is a person too, they are not the only party who may or may not develop an interest. It may turn out that they may be EXACTLY what you're looking for, but you are far from what they need. It's super annoying when it happens, and I'm not saying you shouldn't go out for a sour amaretto (go out for one, don't be one! See Bitter, Party of One post) with some friends and talk about what an idiot someone would have to be for not wanting to be with you, but I always try to remember the many times that a guy hasn't been what I needed either. If nothing else, remembering that thought softens the blow (the sour amaretto and good company can't hurt either).
End Well
--My ultimate postulate in remembering that my date is a person too is to treat them with respect. When you date someone, you both give up time and some energy to the potential involved. Respect and listen to what they have to say while you're seeing each other (they may turn out to be some kind of crazy person, but still, you never know what you can learn). And, if it turns out that you become the less-than-interested party, you should treat the other person respectfully and let them know. Admittedly I employed what I like to call the Lock-Jaw Tactic for a long time before it hit me: I hate it when people do that to me, so why do I treat other people that way? I chalked it up to subconscious revenge, but I have since changed my ways. Anyway, pick up the phone, press the send button, and be a grown-up. Doing this not only shows respect for the time spent, but also cuts down on the awkward factor if you ever run into the person again.
NOTE: Occasionally the Lock-Jaw Tactic can be justified...my general rule of thumb is 1 date can merit zero response; 2 dates deserves a "No Thank You" text; 3 or more deserves a phone call.
The moral of the story is that everyone has a story. Your date may not know yours, you may not know theirs, but it is imperative to acknowledge this. Being empathetic not only makes you a better date, it makes you a better person. Awareness of others contributes to awareness of self which builds confidence in self. And having those things will make your date see that you are a person too. Happy Monday (if there is such a thing...)!
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