tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-65735920882980056532024-03-05T17:40:13.665-08:00Living Singularlypemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-28327423114974810632013-01-22T19:22:00.000-08:002013-01-22T19:22:56.502-08:00The Definition of ResponsibleDictionary.com defines the word <i>responsible</i> as "having a capacity for moral decisions and therefore accountable; capable of rational thought or action."<br />
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I will tell you something people. Being a responsible adult is TOUGH. You have to go to work, you have to pay bills, you have to keep a schedule, it gets pretty terrifying. But something I am also realizing these days is that being responsible isn't just about paying my bills on time or not going out crazy the night before a long day at work, it's about accepting the fact that I am responsible for my actions as well.<br />
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I know it seems an obvious epiphany. In first grade all my teachers said "Worry about yourself," or "You're only responsible for you," but I am just now realizing all that those sayings entail. It used to mean not tattling on the kid copying off my homework (which was almost invariably correct by the way) but now I see more and more that it is about taking responsibility for my actions on a larger scale in life.<br />
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For instance, I recently sought the help of my parents to get a hold of credit card debt. The debt was increasing, and I wasn't holding myself accountable for my spending habits. I would pay a decent amount, then see something I wanted or have an emergency and I would simply swipe. Eventually I realized that the amount I was paying back to the credit card people was actually hindering me from putting away money for savings, and sometimes even day-to-day expenses. So I had to go to my parents, all 25 years of me, and have them co-sign the various paperwork that will now ensure a lower payment and essentially make me debt-free by 30 with the exception of student loans (can't put a price on education people). It was hard, even embarrassing. But I realized that until I took responsibility for my actions, I would never be able to live the life and invest in the future I imagined for myself.<br />
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A consistent theme for myself and in recent stories I have heard from friends is that of placing blame. Placing blame sounds like "I wouldn't have done this if.." "If only I knew who..." "If he/she hadn't said that.." "If I hadn't been in such a bad way..." "But I really needed to..." etc. I have concocted excuse after excuse so no matter what anyone says, I can get out of accepting responsibility. I have seen countless people come up with INSANE lies, scenarios, and schemes to avoid negative consequences resulting from their own actions. It is exhausting!<br />
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We always live in fear of the moment. What if someone finds out? What if they know? What will everyone say? The fact of the matter is, if you do something wrong there will be consequences. They will not typically be pleasant, but I guarantee you if you take responsibility you will see that everything will still be alright and if anything, life will be easier once you let it go. If there's one thing we have learned from celebrity scandals it is that haters gonna hate until the next juicy bite comes along. It is easy to blame someone or something for why we acted a certain way. But no matter what the contributing factors, only you can decide how to proceed.<br />
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It is not always what <i>you</i> do either. Other people are going to wrong you as well along the way. Many people have done unsavory things to me in recent times and I will say it would feel so good just to blast them out of the water with my genius revenge tactics. But at the end of the day, I am far from perfect. You can hold people accountable without making them feel like garbage or becoming a villain yourself.<br />
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As I navigate the ever-perilous mid-twenties I am coming to the conclusion that rather than worrying about who might find out what I did I should try to do things I don't mind people knowing about. If I am stressing about a purchase before I even get in line, I probably shouldn't buy it. If I am contemplating brilliant revenge techniques I should remember all the times I was treated with grace by those I have wronged. And when I do mess up I should acknowledge my fault, apologize, and realize the world will go on turning. The truth is we are never too old to mess up, but we are old enough to know how to handle it in order to grow up. We are capable of being the best people we can be and accountable for the times when we fail. Ultimately, being responsible means taking the good with the bad, learning from it, and striving to do right consistently in the future, even if that means taking your friend's advice and only instagramming your cats 28 times a week instead of 100. But who's keeping track? Happy Tuesday!<br />
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<br />pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-65342859566767163062012-11-20T20:56:00.001-08:002012-11-20T21:17:24.981-08:00Thinks-givingA lot of people say what they are thankful for at this time of year. I will get to that eventually, but what I really need to talk about is what I am THINK-ful for. It appears that the holidays have become less and less about family, values, time, and love and more about what you can get, when you can get it, and how much you can get it to cost. This point was driven home for me when I saw a commercial saying that some store would be open at 8pm on Thanksgiving. What the heck!? You would take away an employee from their family to come make sales for you? You would leave your family for 20% off the new whatever-madoogle? How much are companies really making and how much are customers really saving? This got me to thinking about my own partial occupation in retail and what this time of year is really about.<br />
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It is easy to list what you are thankful for and what you have. But sometimes the holidays can also make blatantly clear what you do not have. Maybe you don't have money, maybe you don't have the job you want, or maybe you don't have a significant other to cuddle with on a snow day. Whatever it may be, there is just as much sadness at the holidays as there is cheer, hope, and wonder. This point is particularly significant to me because I work in an industry that encourages people to consistently think about what they do not have. Is corporate America and consumerism ruining tradition? Are we forgetting the people in exchange for the price? This begs the question, "Who are the people?"<br />
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The answer is different for everyone, but I try and think of it like this. Many times this year I have needed a real friend and I have been blessed with several who are always there saying exactly what I need and being exactly what I need. I am thankful for my friend who let me stay at her house while I waited for an apartment even though she just had a baby and started a new relationship. She was there, helpful, loving, and even allowed me to stay for free. I am thankful for my friend who, although we moved apart takes time to check in and have coffee with me; who drops everything on a Sunday to do my hair so even in my darkest hour I can find that shred of confidence. I am thankful for my friend who sends me a thank-you card not knowing it would come at exactly the right time, and who calls me at way-too-late east coast time to make sure I am ok. I am thankful for my friends who meet up with me at the drop of a hat when I am upset. I am thankful for my mom and dad, who know precisely when to talk, when to listen, and when to say "ok I will pay for the shirt." I am thankful for my sister, who is finally coming home. I am even thankful for the people who have exited my life, for what they shared with me, for what I learned, and for how I can be better in the future.<br />
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As I think about these people, among the many others who make my life meaningful, I realize that in some way, all these people are customers. The girl who buys the new dress may be the girl who calls her friend at way-too-early west coast time to make sure her friend is ok. The girl who tries on every boot may be the girl who came home from her first job to spend some time with her family. If I think about it this way, it becomes a little easier to swallow that yes, I have to go to bed early on Thanksgiving so I can work on Black Friday. I have often said that everyone has a story, and for as many mean people I get in my store I get just as many caring ones who keep a dress on the hanger so we can put it right back out on the floor when they return it. To me, no matter what the situation, the holidays are about caring for people.<br />
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In conclusion, not every customer will be the person who makes it seem alright to work on Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, etc. But I truly believe, that sometimes the shopping experience can really provide an avenue for people to bond, get to know each other, and have a really good laugh. I hope that every person shopping on Thanksgiving is considerate of the employee who left their table to make some magic for you, and I hope that every person working this holiday season sees the light in all of their customers, for better or worse. I am fortunate to have a lot to be thankful and think-ful for this Thanksgiving and I look forward to both the work and the rest, even if it will mean extra gym time to work off my love of stuffing and sweet potatoes. Happy Thanksgiving!pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-16392513479203443732012-10-23T06:02:00.002-07:002012-10-23T06:02:32.977-07:00Keeping TimeAs a musician, I know about time. There's a time-value for every note, flourish, melody, run, everything. When I think about time in music I think about order, or keeping time. The trick is to keep the same tempo, or speed, throughout the entire piece unless otherwise dictated by the composer. Sometimes the composer wants you to get faster, sometimes slower, sometimes even <i>calando</i>, to slowly die out. Whatever the direction, one of the most important aspects of music is keeping time. This is one reason orchestras have conductors, why musicians have metronomes, and why audiences sometimes find themselves clapping to the beat. Time in music is kind of like the invisible elephant in the room. No one sees it, but everyone knows it's there.<br />
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I began thinking about this pretty deeply recently, since everyone keeps saying "I have no time." It comes with the fall I guess. School starts, activities start, people move, babies grow, seasons change, people get married, the holidays approach, etc. It gets crazy! In music, all time has a measure, a value, and you can use time, fast or slow, to evoke emotions from your audience and yourself. But how do you keep time in life?<br />
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It appears to me that time in music and time in life are not all that different. Both have measures of rest where you can breathe or relax, and in both you must keep track of where you are so you're not late when you have to play again. You keep the tempo steady while you're playing, you find a pace you can keep in life, and you add in things or activities when the music or when the calendar dictates. At the end of the piece or day, you usually slow down before starting something new or doing it over again. <br />
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I can't tell you how many times I have said "I'm sorry I haven't had the time." The thing is, time is a constant, but it is an otherwise empty constant until we fill it. Whenever I say I haven't had time I always know that whatever I forgot simply was not a priority for me. When I fill my time I have things that come first, second, third, and some that aren't even on my radar. I find it tremendously difficult to keep time and make time. I realize though, that in music, there is always time for every detail to unfold exactly the way it should, you just have to work up to incorporating every single one. Life, I find, is the same way. You must work to balance every aspect to make each day a beautiful thing.<br />
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In music, if you neglect certain sections, the piece can't go on as it should. We all need to learn that even if we feel we don't have time, we must make time for the things that matter. When I "make" time in music, it is the hours I spend practicing and going back to difficult sections in a piece and making them coalesce with the stronger parts. When I make time in life, I go to the people who mean the most and strengthen my relationships with them so their places in my life are secure.<br />
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Life, like music, takes practice. So what do you do when it seems everything is getting away from you? Even in the fastest, most frenetic pieces of music there are rests, or parts where you do not play. The trick is finding where your rests are and what you can do to make the most of them. For instance, my friend and I recently moved to our own separate apartments, and it has been super hard to see her. Instead of trying to hang out at night when we are both exhausted, we make time to have coffee at 8am and debrief before the day starts. We usually meet at a halfway point between our locations, which means going a little out of our way to spend time. To me, that time means more than anything because we take the time to be present with each other even though there is a lot happening. If you know where your rests are or will be, make plans to hang out in advance. It can make all the difference.<br />
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You MUST know your priorities. If you can't do 8am coffee, take 4 seconds to send a text and let someone know you're happy to have them as a part of your life. No matter how you keep your time, people are what matter, and if you let other things get in the way, you end up hurting others and yourself. We are blessed to live in a time where communication is instant, and as such does not have to be terribly long. Instead of thriving on what you don't have time for, know what time you do have and use it to better yourself and to let those around you know you care. Sometimes this involves saying "no" to something or working out for 45 minutes instead of an hour, and sometimes it means being 10 minutes late because you stayed in bed with cuddling cats or playing with a baby's feet. Either way, it will make a tremendous difference to the people who care about you to know that they play a significant part in the music of your every day life.<br />
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In conclusion, in music and life, you can never really "keep" time. Time is always moving, and even when you set a value and a beat to it, eventually the piece ends and everything that was played becomes a memory. However you spend your time today, it can never happen exactly that same way again. When I make music I realize I am using the time to work and love simultaneously. I work to make the piece beautiful and perfect, but I love to make the music in any capacity. I must learn to work effectively and love effectively in my daily life. Even though we never truly know how much time we have, there is always time to learn. Happy Tuesday!pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-63776015487065782902012-08-23T19:28:00.000-07:002012-08-23T19:28:25.089-07:00Atlas SyndromeThe other day I told my piano student: "You can't avoid the problem, that won't make it go away. You just have to dive in and keep making it better." As these fortune cookie words tumbled from my mouth I realized "Oh my gosh what a hypocrite I am!" Here I am telling this kid to tackle difficult things in order to conquer them while I am avoiding many of my own issues and maybe even tackling the wrong ones.<br />
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My mother says I come by it honest. I have a tendency to take on the problems of others and in so doing I cause myself grey hairs, stress, and I eat WAY too much pizza. Recently I have started calling this condition Atlas Syndrome. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, even though unlike Atlas, I have the option of shrugging it off (pardon the pun and ending the sentence with a preposition).<br />
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So I re-evaluated. What are MY real problems? Problems that no one caused, no one can help, and only I can fix? First, my masters thesis. Ugh. My thesis is hard and unpleasant to write even though when I talk about it I get all excited and dominate the conversation because I feel smart. I have been avoiding working on this thesis as hard as I should because it is different and challenging. It certainly will not write itself, and time is a-tickin'.<br />
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Another problem? My retail habit. I LOVE CLOTHES. I love wearing them, I love when they first come out of the dryer, I love looking pretty in them, I love it when people tell me I look pretty in them, and I love selling them to other people so they can look pretty and love all the same things I love. Yet, this problem has, among other things, put me in a little debt. My debt, like my thesis, is unpleasant to think about and even harder to conquer because the world is a ruthless place.<br />
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I know right? If those are my biggest problems I am not doing too badly. Yet, through considering these problems I realized another one of my real problems: avoiding my own struggles by taking on those of others. I tend to take charge in a difficult situation, but I have noticed myself taking charge in all the wrong places. Sometimes it can be easier to have a problem than to take steps to fix it. We almost get secure in feeling insecure about a solution. Ever since I encouraged my student to face the issues head on I have realized I need to start following my own advice. The only way to relinquish the weight of the world is to realize that I can't solve all of the world's problems, but I can begin to solve my own a little at a time.<br />
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We all need to find a balance between being a friend to others and a friend to ourselves. Obviously I will help a friend in need any way I can, but I need to discern how much I can really, truly do for them and accept those limitations. I also need to knuckle down and face my own fears about my own problems and limitations. Fortunately, I have a lot of help along the way from people who point out when I am taking on too much, but bring me a cappuccino at work anyway. <br />
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In conclusion, remember that no matter what happens, it will always work out. Pull your own weight, and help out when you can, but leave the world to Atlas.<br />
<br />pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-1318862546757363442012-03-16T04:09:00.010-07:002012-03-16T04:48:44.371-07:00If You Can't Say Anything Nice...I recently heard a sermon that inspired a change in my life (thank you, pastor). So, it being Friday and all, I have decided to share it with you. <div><br /></div><div>The sermon consisted of several steps to becoming a spiritual person, and one of the main steps was to "speak less." There are several proverbs that indicate as well that speaking less, if at all, is actually the wisest thing (Proverbs 17:28 for instance). I realized with all the social media, and my blog (oops) that I actually do a LOT of talking. For the sake of argument I shall relegate this post to my use (and abuse) of Twitter and my big mouth.</div><div><br /></div><div>This may come as a shock to you, but I actually harbor resentment towards people sometimes and I also pride myself on a pretty impressive vocabulary, a lethal combination. So, when I am upset with someone you KNOW I am talking about it. But I also came up with another idea: the passive aggressive tweet. This is a tweet in which I would reply to various other tweets without replying, so it would just look like I was tweeting (for those of you who are not Tweeters, I apologize for any confusion).</div><div><br /></div><div>For instance, if someone I did not like tweeted "Can't wait to go to the grocery store," I would randomly, hours later, tweet something like "Hope you enjoy your meatballs, carnivore," and other things like that. I know, this is SO immature, but hey, I am a work in progress! </div><div><br /></div><div>In the spirit of self-improvement, I decided to try "speaking less" AND "tweeting less." This has revolutionized my thought process. Anytime I wanted to tweet something less than savory I stopped myself and thought about why I felt the need. I asked questions like "Does this person need to know I am upset?" "Would they care?" "Would what I have to say help them or only help me?" "Is it worth perpetuating the conflict within myself in order to say something hilarious?"</div><div><br /></div><div>These questions and more made me realize that processing my anger through negativity was hindering my growth and happiness. By speaking less I am able to reflect on and examine my motivations in speaking at all. There is a huge difference between catharsis and self-service, and I was only serving my own desires with my spoken words. </div><div><br /></div><div>So fine. No more talking or tweeting when I am upset about something right? WRONG. I discovered a long time ago that I wear my heart on my sleeve along with awesome bangles. Bottling up emotions simply is not in my genetic makeup. But what do I do if I can't tweet!? After writing a blog post of course (just kidding, kinda), I realize that there are ways to vent my frustration through safe and positive channels. First, of course, I can address the source of my angst if necessary and solve the problem. When this is not an option, I turn to the amazing friends I have (who still for some reason think I am cool in spite of my idiosyncrasies). I also have super intelligent parents who have a perspective on the world that really opens my mind and my heart. By speaking less and listening to these people more, I have gained a new understanding not only of myself, but of how to become a wiser, more gracious person.</div><div><br /></div><div>Don't worry, reader, I still fly off the handle sometimes. But I strive to keep my mouth (and my Twitter app) closed in order to think about my words and their consequences. My two best conclusions: "If you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all," and "Actions speak louder than words, and sometimes no words can be the greatest action." Take the time to think about why you feel the need to "say," at all. </div><div><br /></div><div>This weekend I encourage you to think about speaking less and learning/listening more. I am certainly still working at it, but it really is an enlightening thing. Be judicious in being completely silent though, especially if you're hitting on a cute dude at a bar. You never know how that may turn out. Have a great weekend! Happy St. Patrick's Day!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-3785469407356218612012-02-26T19:05:00.008-08:002012-02-26T20:13:29.180-08:00Consideration Nation (or Party Foul)<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Ok</span>. I am going to try and blog this post calmly.<div><br /></div><div>In past weeks many mean things have happened to my friends and myself. One friend was stood up, one friend had a guy go psycho on her, one friend has a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">poophead</span> baby daddy, one friend has a person who tweets evil things about her, one friend's boyfriend stopped talking to her out of nowhere...the list goes on. I have two words for this: PARTY FOUL. But, as always, I strive to find positive outlets to handle any negativity that goes on in my life. So here is a How-To-Handle-Being-Mean.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>-<b>So you don't want to date someone anymore. </b> </div><div><br /></div><div>That's cool, it happens. At this point in my life I have been dumped so many times I actually have professors who, when informed that I have since parted with my latest victim say "Well that's nothing new for you." Whatever. But if you find yourself in the position of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">rejectOR</span> intend of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">rejectEE</span> here is what you do:</div><div><br /></div><div>You CALL the person or MEET WITH THEM IN PERSON. That person invested as much time in you as you did in them. Even if it's the right thing, chances are what you have to say is going to hurt them. Have respect for what that person brought to your life. Discuss parting ways in a respectful, caring, and assertive manner. They will probably talk smack anyway, but at least you can keep it classy.</div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>-You have plans with someone but you a) don't want to go or b) had something come up that prevents you from going.</b></div><div><br /></div><div>It is 2012. There are about 465 ways to get in touch with someone, there really is (barring emergency situations of course) no excuse for standing someone up. You TEXT, CALL, TWEET, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">FACEBOOK</span>, SMOKE SIGNAL, etc. the person and politely bail. You can offer other times for a future rendezvous or, if you don't actually want to see them you say "Upon further reflection, I do not think hanging out is a good idea." </div><div><br /></div><div>You DO NOT stand the person up, ignore their text messages/calls, or come up with idiotic excuses as to why you "did not get" their text messages the day before. Frankly it is rude, inconsiderate, selfish, and despicable. </div><div><br /></div><div><b>-What To Do When You're <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">REALLLYYYY</span> Mad At Someone</b></div><div><br /></div><div>This is a tricky one. Often, if a person does something intentionally mean to you it says they really just do not care about anyone but themselves. A person like this is not likely to care what you have to say or how their actions offended you. You may just have to let it go. Personally, I think people like that need forgiveness and love sent their way more than they need someone to point out what a narcissistic poltroon they are.</div><div><br /></div><div>Occasionally though it is important to assert yourself to this person. If you have the opportunity to confront someone who has hurt you, I encourage you to approach the person from a place of respect and clarity. What they did hurt, sure, but you will not leave the conversation satisfied if all you do is call them mean names and swear at them. Swearing and evil name calling are not classy things and will automatically earn you the title "psycho$#%" or "banshee."</div><div><br /></div><div>One suggestion that I try to employ often is to use a sentence format like this: "When you did this, I felt this, and that was really _______ because..." or something like that. Expressing your own feelings from your perspective will be cathartic for you and will not place the other party on the defensive. By expressing yourself succinctly you avoid mud-slinging and facilitate the opportunity for an open and honest discussion.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>-What To Do When You Have Done Any Of the Above</b></div><div><br /></div><div>Find a way, if possible or worth it, to say you're sorry. I can't tell you how much it would mean to me if anyone who did mean things to me contacted me and said "That was really rotten when I did that." My anger at these people is mostly because I think they don't realize they have done anything wrong. Then I get angry because I am angry about someone who so clearly does not care about me at all. I still struggle with frustration at people who hurt me deeply in the past, even if it has no bearing on my life now because those people never told me they were sorry. </div><div><br /></div><div>Apologizing means swallowing your pride and acknowledging you were wrong and that you wish you had acted differently. Acknowledgment is the first step to solving a problem or at the very least, clearing your conscience. Granted, not everyone will say "That's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">ok</span> no big." They may say something like "Whatever you're a #&%@*@," or "I can't believe you thought I cared about that," (they SO did). Admitting you were wrong provides justification for the wronged party and vindication for you. Also, it provides an opportunity to improve the relationship down the road, if warranted.</div><div><br /></div><div>After you apologize, or even if you do not, try not to commit these actions. I know I am guilty of all of them at some point in my life. It's hard to reject someone, but it isn't any easier living with knowing you intentionally hurt someone for the sake of your own comfort. That person is a person too with feelings, emotions, and needs. Treat them as such and take the high road.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Well, I feel better now. Hopefully none of you lovely readers will actually have to employ this advice and your lives are filled with happy and positive relationships and interactions. Hope you all had a great weekend and that your week is full of love, positivity, and wine. Talk soon! </div><div><br /></div>pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-78514073446941714602012-02-25T10:05:00.009-08:002012-02-25T12:03:44.002-08:00That's the Way We Get ByMan oh man. 2012 has brought many changes in my life. It has been absolute craziness seriously since January 1st. <div><br /></div><div>Sometimes when this happens I get a little frantic and crazy and I exhibit self-destructive behaviors such as skipping the gym and eating excessive amounts of cheese. And this time period was no exception.</div><div><br /></div><div>Sometimes when this happens I feel like I am failing every day. Like no matter how on time I am or how much effort I put forth, things just are not coming together. This is particularly stressful due to my life in leadership positions.</div><div><br /></div><div>So what do I do? I have to take a step back. I have to remember why I do what I do, and how I can be the best at it. Here are some tips if you ever feel this way:</div><div><br /></div><div><b>-Think about your ultimate goal for where you are.</b></div><div><br /></div><div>It is so easy to become introverted or absorbed in things outside of where you are. For me, it is sometimes difficult to focus because I have to do 2985 other things during the day. But I really am practicing shifting my energy. When I am at work, I realize my ultimate goal is facilitate a positive and welcoming environment. When my co-workers come in, I want them to be glad I am working that day. If you give your best to other people, it becomes easier to get the best out of them.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>-Positive inner dialog</b></div><div><br /></div><div>When I get busy and frantic, it also becomes easier for my negative feelings to come to light. Sometimes I might say something in my inner dialog like "well if you could get this right, maybe you'll finally be something important," or "maybe if you weren't so crazy thus and so would like you," and things like that. But I have to remember (and you should too) that you are where you are for a reason. If you have a job, someone believed in your skills enough to trust you with the position. And that alone is enough to justify a positive outlook in your work and in your life. The more you focus your energy on thinking about positive aspects in yourself, the more you will find positivity manifesting itself in your life and interactions.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>-Make time for what is important to you</b></div><div><br /></div><div>Case in point: I LOVE going to the gym. It is one of my most favorite things. The last few weeks it has been difficult to find time to go, and when I have time I am so exhausted that a treadmill looks like a medieval torture device. But I realized that when I do not get to the gym, I feel sad and, moreover, I feel unable to consume excessive amounts of peanut butter M&M's, which also makes me sad. So what did I do? I re-evaluated and now I get up super early so I definitely make it to the gym before work. Even doing this for three days made me feel SO much better not only about myself, and it gets my day off to a great start. </div><div><br /></div><div>If you feel like you have zero time to do things that are important to you, you must re-evaluate your schedule. People make time for the things that mean a lot to them. You, too, can find a way to make it work. I promise it is worth it.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>-Find ways to love what you do</b></div><div><br /></div><div>Ok, retail management is not my ideal occupation for the rest of my life. But, like any job, it pays the bills. So I can choose either to degrade my position on the societal ladder, or I can find the positive aspects of my workplace and focus on those. For instance, I love making magic for customers. For every 2587 meanies there are 2 or 3 customers who come in and really have a wonderful experience finding things that make them feel good about themselves. I cherish these moments. </div><div><br /></div><div>I am also very lucky because I get paid to make music many nights a week. Though there are frustrating aspects of these projects, I have to remember that I get to play piano and make music with people for hours on end every night of the week. And then there's the moment when the song is over, a split second of silence where everyone is thinking the same thing: "Wow that was good." When you get to be a part of that moment it becomes difficult to focus on anything negative.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>-Do something frivolous every day.</b></div><div><br /></div><div>On Mondays, I got frozen yogurt before rehearsal. I ate (more like devoured) it in my car and enjoy the you-know-what out of it. It is so good. On Friday and Saturday I wore a ridiculous (and adorable) headscarf as a color pop. On Thursday I bought the most amazing off-the-shoulder shirt EVER. Ok, I don't encourage buying clothing as a frivolous activity, that can be expensive. But you catch my drift. My mom calls this "finding pockets of peace." Finding a few minutes every day to do something that you really just like to do is epic. Even if it is just updating your fitness app on the train commute.</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Georgia;font-size:medium;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Georgia;font-size:medium;"><b>-Realize it's ok.</b></span></div><div> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" ;font-family:Georgia;"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;"> </span></o:p></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Georgia;font-size:medium;">My "Ok's":</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span style=" ;font-family:Georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;">It's ok to get out at an inefficient exit at the train station to talk with the preacher on the corner every morning. It's ok to only wear Ugg boots after work because your feet hurt so badly you can't move. It's ok to eat your dinner from a vending machine because your forgot your meatless chicken nuggets at home. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none; text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Georgia;font-size:medium;">In other words, I think it's ok to do some weird stuff sometimes to keep yourself moving forward. </span></p> <!--EndFragment--></div><div><br /></div><div>So remember, every day can be the best day ever, you just have to find the good in it. Some days it will be harder to find than others, but it's there, even if you have to hit the snooze to cuddle with your cats or wait until 10pm to have a hefty glass of wine with some friends. Happy Saturday! Enjoy your weekend!</div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-39448833664861337262012-02-13T04:23:00.000-08:002012-02-14T04:00:08.537-08:00Valentine's FrayAnother year in the trenches. Alas. Or is it?<div><br /></div><div>I always find when Valentine's Day comes around it's a toss-up. Do I let my bitter feelings take over and create a cynical day? Or am I ambivalent? I mean I must confess, when the pastor prayed for single people in church on Sunday I swear I felt a follow-spot on me. And I am bummed that, once again, I am spending the day with two felines and a bottle of Chianti. I also know that no girl really thinks any holiday is stupid where she might receive something shiny, so I might as well give up my cavalier charade. But this year, I have a solution. I am shifting my focus from the kind love I do not have to the kind of love that I do. </div><div><br /></div><div>I have a wonderful family. I am 24 and my mom still sends me a Valentine's Day card. My sister is the smartest person in the world and asks my advice on where she should spend Spring Break. My dad always makes me laugh. My cousin is cooler than I am and sometimes it rubs off. It doesn't matter when or why I call, they just like to hear from me, and vice <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">versa</span></span>. </div><div><br /></div><div>I also have two <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">reallllllyyyy</span></span> adorable felines who, in spite of the stigma attached to their species, really do love me. And they always know when I need them for a good cuddle. I am fully aware that these tender moments are breaks in between their assassination and world domination plots, but hey, I'll take it.</div><div><br /></div><div>I've said it before and I'll say it again. I have the best friends ever. Like real, in your face, tell it like it is but love you anyway friends. I have people I can call when my car breaks down and I need a ride, or I happen to have one hour free and they are just as delighted as I am to spend it together. Friends who do my hair even when they know I am just using outward solutions to cope with inner problems. Friends who don't frown upon me when I cave and eat cheese. Friends who, no matter what, find a way to say both what I want and need to hear at the same time. </div><div><br /></div><div>With that kind of love in my life, it becomes difficult to really think I am missing anything. I may be single, but I am not alone. And that is the greatest Valentine's Day gift of all. Spread some love to everyone in your life today....unlike oil, it is a renewable and sustainable resource. </div>pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-24014452300850431052012-02-08T17:42:00.000-08:002012-02-13T04:30:35.666-08:00Things I Have Realized (or Admitted to Myself)<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Hellooooo</span></span> Readers!<div><br /></div><div>Happy Monday! You will be pleased to know I have absolutely nothing exciting to report from this weekend since I spent it recovering and rehearsing. So, a Monday post after a weekend of reflection. Enjoy!</div><div><br /></div><div>-Ask and You Shall Receive</div><div><br /></div><div>This guy I know, Jesus, said this about 2000 years ago. Fortunately I have finally joined the party train. People are not crystal balls. In fact, we are all so self-centered that when things don't go our way we tend to blame someone else for being out to intentionally piss us off. This is, however, not the case. I realize that if I want something, all I have to do is ask. I don't have to jump through hoops (or offer to do so), I don't have to will it to happen, I don't have to manipulate (well, at least in most cases), all I do is ask. No one knows what you want until you ask for it. </div><div><br /></div><div>-Everyone Has A Story</div><div><br /></div><div>It is so easy to get mad at the person driving too slowly in front of you, or to silently curse out the person in the express line at Whole Foods with 16 instead of 15 items (roar). But I have recently realized that those people are trying to get somewhere too. We are all trying to do what we can to get through the line at the grocery store. The person going slowly is NOT trying to make you upset (in theory, even though this always happens when you're running late), they are probably looking for a house they cannot find so they can pick up a child, or meet with someone really important. We have no concept of what other people go through. Therefore, I attempt to spend my time trying to spread patience and calmness regardless of the situation. Does this cause heartache when someone actually is blatantly trying to be a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">poopface</span></span>? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Oooooohhhhhh</span></span> yes. And we must not forget that in our efforts to remember people's stories, frustration and flat-out anger are allowed to felt, vented, and experienced. But, ultimately, that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">poopface</span></span> has a story too. And sometimes we are the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">poopfaces</span></span>! What are ya gonna do?</div><div><br /></div><div>-I Need to (Consistently) Give Up Cheese</div><div><br /></div><div>I am a vegan in progress. It's hard to give up cheese! But I have definitely noticed a difference in my physique. Now if only I could remember that when a beautiful pizza comes my way.</div><div><br /></div><div>-Running is Amazing.</div><div><br /></div><div>And the most painful. But I have to say that every time I run at the gym (at least a mile a day), I break a super sweat, I feel my muscles come alive, and I can actually track my progress through endurance, speed, and soreness level. It is so rewarding to run outside and not be almost throwing up after a winter on the elliptical, even if I haven't been able to walk without agony in weeks.</div><div><br /></div><div>-It's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Ok</span></span> to Be A Work in Progress</div><div><br /></div><div>In life, there is ALWAYS room for improvement and growth. It is perfectly natural to grow and learn as life comes at you, as long as you strive to be the better for it.</div><div><br /></div><div>-It's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Ok</span> To Skip A Workout and Go to Happy Hour Instead</div><div><br /></div><div>You can work off a drink and some apps, but you can't replace the value of a good conversation with good company. Although if you're like me and bear midriff, it doesn't hurt to do a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">superset</span> of abs before you go.</div><div><br /></div><div>-It's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Ok</span> to Be Bummed Sometimes</div><div><br /></div><div>I try and keep a positive outlook but sometimes I just need to shake my fists and the sky and go "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Whyyyyyyyyy</span>!!??" I just try to experience those feelings while keeping the positive things close to my heart and my energy (aka I spoon with my cats).</div><div><br /></div><div>-The Alcohol in Wine Kills Germs</div><div><br /></div><div>When I am sick I drink water and wine. It was good enough for my aforementioned <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">homie</span></span> Jesus, it's good enough for me. And I swear it gets me better faster. What it does for my blogging, well you'll have to tell me.</div><div><br /></div><div>-What Wine Doesn't Cure, Coconut Water Will</div><div><br /></div><div>My roommate got me onto coconut water and I am not even kidding you when I say it cures EVERYTHING from hangovers to sore muscles. It has a lot of potassium and many other nutrients. The taste definitely takes some getting used to, but it is worth it for sure.</div><div><br /></div><div>-No Matter How Old I Am, I Still Need My Parents</div><div><br /></div><div>My mom is still the first person I call about everything. My dad is still the best and tallest man on earth (keep your Electra comments to yourselves haters). And, like this past weekend, I was sick and all I wanted was my mom to take care of me and my dad to make me cream of wheat. They say you can't go home again, but I know I always can (even though my parents are legit crazy).</div><div><br /></div><div>-Mondays Are Mean</div><div><br /></div><div>Hey, I said things I realize not epic epiphany. Obviously I have known this fact for a loooooong time. Good luck with the weekly grind people. Keep fighting the good fight!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-40445280808444548412012-02-08T17:22:00.000-08:002012-02-08T17:48:44.470-08:00Fear(?) of FreedomHey All!<div><br /></div><div>It has been quite awhile, but you will be excited to know that, once again, I am living singularly (and convinced Google to let me log in to this blog). This time, my adventures are joined not only by my cats but by roommates and a new job location! So, what to post about in my first post in over a year? How about an existential crisis?</div><div><br /></div><div>So here's what happens. You finally get your act together. </div><div><br /></div><div>Recently, everything I ever wanted in life actually happened. I got an amazing full-time gig in the big city. It requires me to take public transportation, walk to work, and wear kick ass boots and headwear every day on my two block jaunt to my employer. So diesel. Not to mention, the job is so amazing because at the time it happened I had already committed to playing a spring musical, my absolute passion, and they are flexible with my schedule and let me work when I can so I can make it to all of my various things. I am in school and plugging away at my very interesting thesis and still doing my part-time super fulfilling music gig. Epic.</div><div><br /></div><div>Also, at least for a hot second, I had THE guy. The greatest guy. The guy we see in Disney movies. Yet, as is typical, things change, and things ended.</div><div><br /></div><div>So now, things aren't "perfect." Or are they?</div><div><br /></div><div>I find that often, when everything in my life is "as it should be," I am afraid that something will go wrong. I spend hours trying to stave off my negative fears and eventually, because life is what it is, something goes wrong. My problem is that when this happens, I neglect to pay attention to the amazing things in my life. </div><div><br /></div><div>I went through the completely necessary various stages of breakupdom for the 39865287th time. My friends and myself said all the right "Ugh, boys" things, and I certainly acknowledge at least a modicum of sadness at the end of the relationship.</div><div><br /></div><div>But, I ultimately realized something: I have fulfillment in my life. Though it is a super goal of mine to eventually find myself in the ideal marital situation, I have so many fantastic things in my life that I really can't spend time worrying about what may or may not be missing. I just can't. I love my music, I love my work, and I love my peeps. Can it get better than that?</div><div><br /></div><div>I think that my fear of freedom is actually fear of acknowledgement. Fear of acknowledging that no matter what, nothing is REALLY missing in my life. There is just room to add more beauty and excitement. I would like to substitute the word "Fear" for "Acceptance." Acceptance of the fact that I have been free to make the choices I have made and to be the person I am, and acceptance of the possibility of how I can learn and grow in the future to come. Just because I haven't achieved all my goals yet doesn't mean I don't still have it all.</div><div><br /></div><div>For now, I will leave you with that. Don't worry, the next post will be way more funny and sardonic. Happy Hump Day! </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-19980815105457639462010-11-02T08:57:00.000-07:002010-11-02T10:19:15.798-07:00Girl-Crushes: Happy Endings and How-To'sHave you ever met someone and realized the moment you said "Hello," that that person is the one? The next candidate in your line of People I Need to Hang Out With? I have. Many times. As I navigate the dating realm it has come to my attention that oftentimes I am not only dating boys, but courting new friends that are girls. This phenomenon is known in feminine terms as a "Girl-Crush" or "Friend-Crush," or a "Bro-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">mance" for the males. </span>As difficult as dating the opposite sex is, sometimes it can be even more crazy to try and "date" a new friend.<br /><br />Case in point:<br /><br />When I was in college I "knew" two girls. Both were friends of friends and/or involved with my program and both were super cool. Though I knew somehow we were destined to be friends, I couldn't quite find my "in." So I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"></span>admired their coolness from afar and waited patiently for circumstances, or kismet, to bring us together.<br /><br />After a while it finally happened. One of my girl-crushes had need of a pianist. A mutual friend hooked us up, and we lived happily ever after (no really though, we eventually became roommates and now we're neighbors).<br /><br />The other crush took a bit longer to develop. Fortunately, we shared a friend group. Over time, our mutual capabilities for decision-making (good and questionable), race-horse tolerance levels, and our penchants for being the subjects of embarrassing occurrences that are relived every time our friends reunite have brought us together. We, too, have lived happily ever after and I have openly proclaimed the fact that I like her more every time we hang out.<br /><br />Both instances required patience, well-placed witty comments, interests in common, and of course, chemistry.<br /><br />Now, as my circle expands post-college, I realize that trying to make new friends is even harder! A lot of people already have a "crew," so to speak at this point in life. So what to do if your girl-crush does not need a pianist or you do not share a friend group? I give you: <span style="font-style: italic;">A Small Guide to Friend-Dating</span> aka <span style="font-style: italic;">How Not To Crush Your Girl-Crush</span>.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Step 1: Befriend on </span><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Facebook</span><br />--This can be an important "first move." It is fairly innocuous, and it gives your potential <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">BFF</span> the opportunity to read your witty "About Me" and your obviously similar interests without coming on too strong. If the person does not have <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Facebook</span>, well...can you really be friends then?<br />[JUST KIDDING...Facebook is merely one of many vehicles through which one can merge onto the Highway of Friendship]<br /><br />Another point along the lines of this subject: you will be tempted to write on this person's wall. Unless some hilarious event occurred where you first met, or you have a pertinent link to post that has to do with a conversation you had, you must avoid this tendency at all costs. You don't want to seem creepy. I say this because the other day I literally went to do this exact thing, and found myself stressing over the perfect thing to say. After starting and restarting several times I realized that the best tactic was just not to say anything at this point. The safest way of establishing contact after you friend them? "Like" their status, then perhaps insert a comment.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Step 2: The Hangout</span><br />--Sometimes fate places the golden opportunity in your path. For instance, if you discover you both like the same TV show. This is the perfect time to throw in a little "Hey, what are doing for the show on [insert day here]?" <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Primetime</span> is the best time to develop friendships. It provides an avenue for conversation during commercials or commenting on plot developments, but leaves room to breathe while the show is going on so neither one of you feels you must talk the whole time. This is also true for the gym. Inviting someone to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Pilates</span> class? A+.<br /><br />Another way to initiate a "hangout" is to ask the person out for coffee or happy hour. These times of day are simultaneously time-limited and open-ended. If you both have somewhere to be, you can safely leave after an hour and a half or so. If you both have free time it could blossom into an afternoon at the mall or dinner with your happy hour beverages. At the very least, if things go well it will lead to Date #2.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Step 3: The "Secret" of Success</span><br />--If there's one thing I've learned it is this: the ultimate way to build a friendship is to share a secret [NOTE: I discourage this tactic with anyone in the Witness Protection Program]. If you share a secret with someone you are not only letting them learn something about you, but you implicitly give them your trust.<br /><br />Now, do I recommend that you share your deepest, darkest secret? No. Sharing something too deep too soon can imply and/or reveal boundary issues. Keep the secret sharing to the skeletons closest to the front of the closet, such as "Sometimes I forget to wipe down the elliptical after I use it at the gym," or "I read all four Twilight books in a day." Save the juicy stuff for down the line when you're out for a crazy night in Vegas (you're going to be BFF's right?).<br /><br />In conclusion, when friend-dating I encourage you, as in any kind of new relationship, to take it slow. Friendships, like relationships, are built over time. And if you haven't had enough of the cliche's in this conclusion, always remember to just be yourself. That's where the good stuff is.<br /><br />Go out, make a friend, and have a great Tuesday!pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-58096193333914074882010-10-22T10:46:00.001-07:002010-10-22T11:27:32.128-07:00How Hamlet Starts My Weekend.I think almost every other blog I follow posted today, so obviously I cannot be left behind in the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">pre</span>-weekend dust. So a short, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">pre</span>-happy hour Friday night post inspired by Hamlet.<br /><br />There is a line in Shakespeare's Hamlet that goes like this:<br /><br />"...for there is nothing either good or<br />bad, but thinking makes it so..." Act II, scene 2, lines 250-251.<br /><br />This is one of my favorite Shakespeare quotes ever. Nothing is good or bad, it is what we think of it that makes it so. For instance, I see a McDonald's cheeseburger and I hear the theme from Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho" in my mind, whereas another person says "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Oooo</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">yay</span>! I hope that's on the Dollar Menu!" Anyway, though the melancholy Dane did have some decision-making and Oedipal issues, among others, he was definitely on to something here.<br /><br />The other day I was hanging out with a friend of mine who told me she thought my apartment was cute, but delightfully average. This ruffled my proverbial feathers. I love that apartment and everything in it (except the bills). I even got throw pillows to warm up the space, I mean really...there's only so much I can do. But then I started thinking.<br /><br />It's not that my friend did not like the apartment, it's just that it is not what SHE would want in an apartment. "Delightfully average" is just the way she thinks of it in comparison to her own expectations, desires, etc. And that's alright because I think it is a breath of fresh real estate and exactly what I need.<br /><br />As I proceed into my weekend, I realize that I might meet some people who think my outfit is delightfully average (I, in turn, will realize that these people have personalities that I find delightfully below average <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">hehe</span>), but it does not matter because ultimately, everyone has friends (or a cat) who think they are just great. No one is really average, below average, or delightful....only thinking makes it so. :)<br /><br />So on your various adventures this weekend I encourage you to remember that no matter what you think is bad, someone can find something good about it; no one's opinion is the be-all-end-all. A<span style="font-style: italic;"> good</span> time will always be had in the presence of <span style="font-style: italic;">good</span> company (and good wine [at least I "think so"]), no matter what anyone <span style="font-style: italic;">thinks</span>.<br /><br />I leave you with this: No matter what "thinking makes so," a weekend is pretty much always a good thing. But if you end up using Hamlet to justify a weekend-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">esque</span> decision, you didn't see it here. Have a good one! :)pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-84799800174863093622010-10-19T09:52:00.000-07:002010-10-19T10:51:00.412-07:00When In Phone...Who talks on the phone anymore these days? With the advent of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">texting</span>, e-mailing, mass <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">facebook</span> messaging, etc. the art of a phone conversation (and perhaps artfully crafted smoke signals, no offense Vatican) has been lost. So the other day when my friend told me she talked to the guy she is seeing for 13 minutes on the phone and they don't text in between dates...I was shocked! And then I was shocked that I was shocked! I mean, the only person I really talk to on the phone for longer than 35 seconds is my mother, who is epically technologically inept. Most of the other people in my life I either text, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">facebook</span>, or see on a regular basis. It is crazy to think that calling someone used to be the primary mode of communication.<br /><br />Think about it. If you text someone, you immediately give them an opportunity to take their time responding to you. A text says "It's not immediate that I speak to you, but when you have a chance..". An e-mail does the same thing except it expands the time-frame exponentially. If you respond to a text within 12 hours, that's good. If you respond to an e-mail within 12 days, if at all, that's fine. But if you don't CALL someone back, particularly if they leave a voicemail, you are most definitely purposely ignoring them.<br /><br />On top of this, talking to someone on the phone, face to face as it were, leaves no room to think about what you're going to say. You have to be on the spot. You can't be like "Let me call you back when I think of a witty response." Meanwhile, how many of us have been <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">texting</span> with someone while hanging out with friends and said "What should I say back??" Then the friends play Cyrano <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">de</span> Bergerac and we all get some witty or brilliant response ideas. E-mail? Even better! You can read the entire thing and respond to each section in sequence!<br /><br />As I continued to talk to my friend about her relational progression with this boy who does not text she told me she actually found it liberating to be on "the slow train." She said there is no pressure to be in contact or not, and when they do talk it is always good conversation. I mean, 13 minutes is way long enough to talk about how your days were, how your weeks were, and to get into legitimate subject matter.<br /><br />It struck me that in general, when we like someone, we begin <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">texting</span>, we hang out, we text...we are in constant contact with the person. And the instant they begin to have less contact with us, we see it as rejection. In the case of my friend, I'd venture to say she may be onto something here.<br /><br />Another friend of mine recently consolidated her cell phone plan and eliminated <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">texting</span>. The first 3 days of this were torture for me. In fact I believe I told her that her textual liberation was my prison. But as I adapt to the adjustment, I realize it is actually kind of nice. And it is certainly easier and more interesting to debrief about a weekend while talking instead of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">arthritically</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">texting</span> long sagas.<br /><br />I draw three conclusions from this discussion:<br /><br />Number 1:<br />By eliminating "talk-time" we also get closer to eliminating the risk of sounding stupid. Case in point: cute boy calls me. Conversation goes like this:<br /><br />Boy: Hey what's up?<br />Me: Good, how are you? I mean nothing nothing....you??<br />[in my mind: IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT]<br /><br />If this were a text however, I would have had time to think. And respond with something terribly clever.<br /><br />Number 2:<br />The idea of talking on the phone is not so outlandish...it is the idea of being able to CALL someone whenever you want that is intimidating. If you talk to someone on the phone regularly, it means that you can both call each other whenever. Many friendships do not function this way so much anymore. This does not mean that people are any less friends because they don't talk on the phone for hours, it is just a different type of relationship than we have seen in times past. Not to mention, where would we be without www.textsfromlastnight.com?<br /><br />Number 3:<br />The thing is, especially in the United States, we are anti-taking-our-time. To spend time on the phone means we have to be involved in the conversation, we need to be focused on someone other than ourselves. Weird?<br /><br />In conclusion, don't get me wrong. I'm pretty sure I will text until my thumbs fall off, or until they come up with some new-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">fangled</span> device that renders text-messaging obsolete. And by no means do I think that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">texting</span> or emailing are illegitimate or impersonal. They are, in fact, my primary means of communication. It is more that lately I have been thinking the pace of my life is so darn fast. To take the time to call someone and just talk as opposed to "dropping a line," is almost as liberating as walking slowly in killer heels (see "Stilettos: A Weekend Debriefing Story). Not to mention it is nice to hear people laugh at my hilarious jokes instead of just reading "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">lol</span>,".........<br /><br />Have a great week everyone! :)pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-24706830077760256162010-10-12T07:28:00.000-07:002010-10-12T09:45:23.667-07:00Stilettos--A Weekend Debriefing StoryThis past weekend was one of the best I have ever had. Full of music, friends, food, dancing, and most importantly--kick-ass shoes (excuse my French, but if the shoe fits..). I have recently had the privilege of discovering my dormant desire to wear high heels. Of course there are the usual benefits of making your legs look longer, dressing up an outfit, giving you some swagger if you will, but I propose there are some other more philosophical <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">pro's</span> in wearing killer shoes.<br /><br />I have always been self-conscious about my height. I'm not freakishly tall, but the average height of many of my friends is circa 5' 4", so my towering 5' 7" is quite prominent in my mind. But recently I have felt that by only wearing flats, some of my confidence was going flat as well. I needed to shake things up, so this weekend, I decided to own my inner stiletto.<br /><br />I began the weekend sauntering onto a stage in these fantastic 4"-heeled booties to perform Brahms at the Fine Arts Festival (the homecoming weekend concert at my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">alma</span> mater). The perk? I walked tall, did not fall, and the performance went decently well (let's face it though..even if it didn't the shoes would have been awesome regardless). The not-so-perk? My leg was almost too high to fit under the piano to pedal...don't worry I made it work. After the performance I swapped out the 4" booties for some 3" cuties (oyster colored...LOVE), and went to a local place with live music where I danced for a long while. The perk? My jeans fit perfectly over the shoes and I was out with two gentlemen of the tall variety. The not-so-perk? My feet were KILLING me by the end of the night...literally! I almost died on the way to the car.<br /><br />The next day, a little the worse for the wearing, I proceeded to have a lovely brunch with some of my girlfriends from school...and of course I chose to re-rock the oyster stilettos, because they really dress up my staple weekend-chill-cardigan-ensemble. So my friends and I talked, stalked (via <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Facebook</span>), ate, and laughed. I spent the afternoon with another one of my college buds, my sister, and cleaning my insanely messy apartment. Saturday night I met back up with my brunch peeps rocking some heeled boots with skinny jeans and a sweet sweater. We did our dance thing and ended the night with the most amazing pizza EVER (is there any pizza that isn't amazing at 2am? I mean really). If there is anything more amazing than strutting around in heels and dancing with the most amazing friends ever I demand to know about it.<br /><br />Sunday I admit I wore flats. My feet were totally shot. But all was not lost because, as if the weekend could get better, I babysat the kids I work for overnight Sunday-Monday so the parents could get away for their anniversary and made back all the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">moola</span> I spent over the weekend. SWEET.<br /><br />So how does all this relate to my shoes?<br /><br />The word "stiletto" comes from the Latin word "stylus" which is a pin or stalk. It is also a medieval dagger used for stabbing, but for the sake of this post, let's stick with the former. Either way, a stiletto is sharp. And by wearing them this past weekend I gained a few things. One is being in complete awe of Kelly <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Ripa</span> and Sarah Jessica Parker who live in stilettos. Another is a KILLER workout for your calves, hamstrings, and gluts (which are still recovering). The last is that sometimes to keep our brains sharp we need to shake up our balance. While some might find a more drastic way of doing this, I found a way simply by changing up my footwear.<br /><br />When I wear stilettos, my consciousness of my height is completely acknowledged yet simultaneously dismissed. I am no longer self-conscious, but self-aware. I am more in tune with my body because I have to keep my balance, and I am more in tune with everything else because I have to TAKE MY TIME when walking or climbing stairs. Rather than just rushing through everything as I am prone to do, heels give me cause for pause, and I am digging the slower pace. Regardless, if I DO try to hurry while wearing stilettos I face certain death.<br /><br />This weekend I wore sharp (literally and figuratively) shoes, was surrounded by sharp and sweet company, and the Brahms piece I played has a whole section in B Major (5 sharps!). It is safe to say that by sharpening my footwear (and being fortunate enough to have my best friends in town for the weekend) I have found a way to get some zest back into my routine. The thing is, sometimes the shoes make the outfit. But more often than not it is you who makes the shoe. If you put on something that makes you feel good and confident, it can totally change the course of your day; even if it does make you feel that some doorways should have a sign saying "Clearance 6' 4"" so you know to duck.<br /><br />Thanks to my ladies, gents, and shoes for a fabulous weekend..have a good week everyone!pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-50215568671267078202010-10-04T07:19:00.000-07:002010-10-04T09:24:40.087-07:00Let's Burn That Bridge When We Get To It...Darn these rainy days and their affect on my melancholy temperament! Not to mention I have been practicing Brahms for a performance this weekend...he always puts me in a contemplative mood. So today I give you my thoughts on burning bridges.<br /><br />NOTE: For those of you interested in listening, the Brahms piece is called Ballade, it is No. 3 in a set of six pieces, opus 118 (the Intermezzo that precedes it is also heart-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">wrenchingly</span> beautiful). Feel free to check out the link! A little rubato for my taste, but it works.<br /><a href="http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwskWWpUcBA&feature=related">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwskWWpUcBA&feature=related</a><br /><br />Many of my friends have broken up with boys who have treated them like complete rubbish, and have stayed connected with them. Sometimes they get back together, other times they do not, but I am always in awe of people who can handle being friends with people in that way. I do not think I am friends with anyone I have previously dated. If I am, it is either somewhat strained and secretly I wish a bird would poop in their pasta or I feel SO badly about what I did to them I cannot bear to talk to them. In spite of these feelings, I seem to find I am the only person who thinks staying friends with ex-people out of the ordinary. I have to wonder if I am actually right (well, I always am...but still).<br /><br />I have blogged before about that fact that in some capacity, we are all jerks. And I believe we spend the better part of our lives, both in the dating and in the general sense, trying to work ourselves out of this propensity. But when people are jerks to me over and over again, it becomes exceedingly difficult to really believe that anyone who does something mean is anything but a depraved scoundrel.<br /><br />This is not weird right? If someone does something mean to you, especially in the dating realm, you are totally allowed to curse their name and never speak to them again right? I used to think so. And I used to tell all of my friends "Never speak to that hack again! What a loser!" and then I would proceed to list all of their crimes and why they would do better to befriend a rabid animal than come into my presence again. And I used to be astounded when they would say "Meg, I think you're being a little harsh." Key phrase: USED TO. And then something happened.<br /><br />So this person, let's call him Fernando, did something really frustrating to my friend Lady Gaga. Without going into too much detail it made her question the way they related to each other, not to mention it amplified the doubts she already had in her mind. So after surviving the frustrating event, she told all of my friends what a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">poopface</span> Fernando was, how he had no business ever speaking to her again, and that after this one radio hit they had to record together was over she would NEVER speak to him again. EVER. She promptly began the silent treatment and kept her shoulder refrigerated for extra coldness. And THEN....<br /><br />He called to apologize!<br /><br />This sent shock waves through my system. No one EVER apologizes. EVER. And he was obviously intimidated by Lady <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Gaga's</span> lock-jaw treatment but he called anyway. What the heck! So I immediately went into survival mode, laughed it off, and told her to offer him a tissue because he was clearly on the verge of tears. But truthfully it really stuck with me and we discussed it at length.<br /><br />So now I am all conflicted inside because part of me keeps saying "Jerk, no matter what." But part of me is thinking "but maybe...". Typical Megan move would be to burn the bridge PRONTO. I don't deal well with conflicting emotions, and certainly not when my M.O. is to hate this person for the rest of eternity. It appears that it is time to change my tune, especially having reviewed the case for Lady Gaga and Fernando.<br /><br />My question then becomes when I burn a bridge, who am I actually burning? Usually, the other person never cares whether or not they ever speak to me again. Even if I curse the day they were born, they probably cry all the way to the bank about it. Is my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">pyro</span>-mania with bridges preventing possible fruitful future ventures brought about by cautious friendship?If so, how many people have I spurned that could have hooked me up with free <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Regis</span> and Kelly tickets or something? The prospect is very frightening.<br /><br />My conclusion is this: burning a bridge is an attempt at the forgetting part of forgiving. The truth is there are always ashes and charred remnants, but it feels good to watch the fire burn. It does not feel as good to simply cross the bridge, acknowledge the passage, and move forward. If I approached things like this differently I might see I spend a lot of time looking back at the fire and not crossing the next bridge.<br /><br />Curse my fatal flaws and their ability to inspire humility within me! But what better way to spend a dreary Monday morning than self-analysis and self-betterment? Who knows...maybe by not burning a bridge something really exciting might happen. I'll keep you "posted."pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-24848521181632816592010-09-10T09:54:00.001-07:002010-09-20T07:29:57.813-07:00Booth-AcheCan you believe I couldn't use my taste for avid blogging to get extensions on homework due dates? What is the world coming to? Anyway, to you my faithful readers I apologize for my lack of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">bloggage</span>. The bright side is that I have had much time to converse with my friends and come up with today's topic: The Booth-Ache.<br /><br />What do I mean by the Booth-Ache? I mean when you go out for a meal with someone and there is always that awkward moment of deciding who sits on which side of the booth, who gets to face the room, if there is a booth on one side and a chair on the other, can you sit on the same side, etc. The fact of the matter is we live in a square society. There are always tables, angles, corners, which unfortunately means you tend to find yourself choosing between one side or the other. For some people, this is not an issue. For others, the ultimate issue. How to cope with a booth-ache? Here are some general ideas for the different scenarios.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Scenario 1: The Great Debate</span><br />--We've all been there. You know, you arrive at the restaurant and one seat faces the room while the other is facing elsewhere. The general conversation in this case might go something like this:<br />Person A: Do you care which side?<br />Person B: No, whichever side you want is fine with me.<br /><br />This leaves Person A in quite the pickle sometimes, because generally most people prefer to face the room. Normally I just acquiesce to Person B's kindness and take whichever side I want (depending on the date this may or may not be the seat closest to the nearest exit...). But then I dated a guy who had a pet peeve about not facing the room in a restaurant. He needed to be the one facing the room (or at least he needed more stimulation than my company). So, after dating this person, I made a rule for myself: Be Person A and do not ask "Do you care which side?" but rather ask "Do you have a preference and/or complex about where you sit?" This leaves it open for the Person B to say "Why yes."<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Scenario 2: Sitting on the Same Side</span><br />--Do or don't? Personally I say don't. I like to look at a person when I am out with them. Not to mention it is world-class personal space bubble invasion to sit on the same side. And if you are right-handed and the other person is left-handed it can create the kind of elbow-rubbing they don't talk about at cocktail parties. Unless the booth is shaped in such a way that you end up side by side, I think being across from one another facilitates a better atmosphere for conversation. Not to mention it makes it easier to reach across the table and pick at the other person's entree. But that's a post for another time...<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Scenario 3: Table with Booth Seating on One Side</span><br />--Many of these trendy restaurants have a booth-bench thingy on one side of a table and a chair on the other. This situation eliminates any <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">possibility</span> of sitting on the same side because the table is usually the size of a bathroom tile. You have to sit across from the other person in order to fit your food in front of you. My personal problem in this scenario is blatant selfishness because I want a place to put my purse. If I take the booth side of the table, not only am I comfortable, but my purse is as well. Ladies, we've ALL been there. This is not to say that a few times I have tried to be a better date and give the guy the booth side (admittedly they were nights when I carried a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">wristlet</span> as opposed to a purse..). Gentlemen, typically it is easier to give the girl the benefit of the booth in this case, unless you too are carrying a purse. Also a post for another time...<br /><br />The point ladies and gents is that there is always a minor stress factor as to who sits where when dining. I have received several bits of advice on the matter and here are the choice pearls:<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">--Guy Should Face the Room</span><br />Typically the male will be paying for the meal, so it is better for him to sit facing the room. This way he can flag down the waiter easier and is not constantly looking over his shoulder if something is needed.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">--Sitting on the Same Side CAN Be Done Well</span><br />Usually at a breakfast/brunch/lunch scenario. Meals during these times are typically smaller than dinner and do not include wine or other such beverages (well....most of the time....). If you're really married to sitting side by side, sit at the bar.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">--If You Have Trouble Focusing...</span><br />I am a total people-watcher. I often attempt to sit on the side not facing the room so that I can really pay attention to what's going on during the meal. More often I will try and find a booth/table that is against a wall so I can look to my right or left and see things happening. Nice compromise in the situation.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">--If At All Possible...</span><br />Go King Arthur style and check for round tables. This way you can have proximity to whoever you are with and BOTH of you get to enjoy the aesthetics of your surroundings. If you know where you are going ahead of time see if you can visit the place's website and look for a layout (can you tell I'm often bored at work?).<br /><br />Hopefully these were some helpful hints in finding comfortable seating in your next meal-out venture. Just make sure no matter where you end up sitting that wine glass and/or food spillage is prevented at all costs. Happy Monday!pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-87686704738751014032010-08-30T07:12:00.000-07:002010-08-30T08:48:57.296-07:00Textual Etiquette, Edition 2After all the feedback from my first post about this, I have decided to add to it. Many people informed me of things that happen to them via text that could indeed be added to my list of etiquette and general observations on text messaging, so I give you Textual Etiquette Edition 2: On <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Haha's</span>, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Hehe's</span>, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Lol's</span>, and Other Such Items.<br /><br />Short disclaimer before I begin: I have been, understandably so, called out for reading too much into the realm of text messaging. Please be warned, I do not live my own text life by these standards all the time. These are just little things I notice and blog about, often when I am bored at work. It is by no means the be all end all of how and/or how not to text message. :)<br /><br />(Oh no she used an emoticon at the end of that sentence..what could this mean?? And now a double question mark? Please see Edition One.)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">On "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Haha</span>"</span><br />-Typically "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">haha</span>" is used as a variation on "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">lol</span>" (see below). It is generally used in response to something funny another party has said or as flavor in a sentence when describing something humorous. Examples:<br /><br />--"<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Haha</span> that's so funny!"<br />--"I can't believe that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">haha</span>."<br />--"And then I spilled it everywhere <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">haha</span>."<br /><br />If you read Edition One of this post topic, you will see my theories on multiple <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">anything's</span> in a text message, mostly in the realm of punctuation. This rule also applies to the variations of expressing laughter via text. If someone sends you "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Haha</span>," they probably smiled or chuckled. Whereas if you get a "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">HAHAHAHA</span>," or "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">hahahaha</span>," or, another variation "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Bahahahaha</span>," (this is a belly laugh in case you did not know) they probably are actually laughing. This means you can give yourself a pat on the back.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">On "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Lol</span>"</span><br />-Probably one of the very first abbreviations I learned in my many forays into the realm of media <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">communications</span>. "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">Lol</span>," short for laugh out loud, is used in much the same way as "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">haha</span>." I find also, as with "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">haha</span>," just one "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">lol</span>" usually means someone cracked a smile or chuckled a bit. When someone sends "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">lolololol</span>," they are probably actually laughing.<br /><br />One of my favorite texts I ever received was in response to something I said, and the person said "I actually <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">lol'ed</span> at that." Proof positive that one "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">lol</span>" does not convince me you are actually laughing (though I probably am because I crack myself up), not to mention the other variations on this particular abbreviation that communicate actual laughter such as "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">lmao</span>," (laughing my --- off) or "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">rofl</span>," (rolling on floor laughing).<br /><br />I also find "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">lol</span>" used to sort of soften a less positive text message. Examples:<br /><br />--"Dude she's always late...<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">lol</span>."<br />--"That was so annoying <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">lol</span>."<br /><br />In these cases, "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_29">lol</span>" is used to say "I noticed these frustrating things, but I am not really that mad about it. But I noticed these frustrating things." Don't let this make you afraid to use the favored "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_30">lol</span>." A little smile is always appreciated.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">NOTE: I am currently working on coining the abbreviation HG for "hearty guffaw." I will keep you posted on how this goes.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">On "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_31">Hehe</span>"</span><br />-I typically find "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_32">hehe</span>" used in a more devious context while <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_33">texting</span>. While "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_34">haha</span>" and "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_35">lol</span>" are used for general laughter, "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_36">hehe</span>" is usually used after something scandalous is revealed. Examples:<br /><br />--"So I put the rotten sandwich in his drawer <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_37">hehehe</span>"<br />--"Person A: Why is there water all over the floor?"<br /> "Person B: <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_38">Hehe</span>."<br /><br />This is not a set in stone rule for the usage of "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_39">hehe</span>." But I have never found anyone to use "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_40">hehe</span>," in any texts like the examples in the "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_41">haha</span>" paragraph above.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">On The Text Signature</span><br />-A text signature is when someone "signs" the end of their text, as in a letter. For instance:<br /><br />--"Be there in 5 -Jennifer A."<br />--"Be there in 5 Love, Mom"<br /><br />I generally find this to be unnecessary, though informative. If you are <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_42">texting</span> someone, chances are your number is in their phone and they know it is you. Besides, in these days of limited characters in a text (140 characters on my Blackberry Storm...how can they possibly expect me to communicate!?), why waste the space by double telling someone that it's you? It is certainly nice for the first text if the person does not have your number, or you are unsure if they have it. There is nothing worse than <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_43">texting</span> someone and saying "Hey!" and then getting a cold "Who's this?" in response. But after the initial text, have confidence that person you are <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_44">texting</span> will save your number, or lose it strategically and you will never have to text them again. If you REALLY have the hankering to sign things, get the person's e-mail address and write them a letter. :)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">On Response Time</span><br />-Ah yes. The most delicate issue of text messaging. Text messaging is one of those insidious means of communication that make you always available yet leave you responsibility-free of responding immediately. I have had numerous conversations about how quickly someone responds to a text. I have narrowed it down to three categories of response times in the realm of text messaging:<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">--<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_45">Immediator</span></span><br />Usually someone with a Blackberry or iPhone and they have it permanently glued to their hand. This person receives your text and responds within microseconds. And are currently in treatment for arthritis in their thumbs...<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">--The Little Later-er</span><br />Someone who received your text but is driving, in class, or in the middle of something that prevents them from responding to you until a later time. It could be they are talking to all of their friends trying to figure out the best thing with which to respond to the initial text. Or, one of my personal favorites, they are trying not to seem to available and theoretically could play the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_46">Immediator</span>, but are choosing to hold out on response time. They typically get back to people anywhere from 45 minutes-4 hours.<br /><br />NOTE: Most people walk the line between the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_47">Immediator</span> and the Little Later-er. I like to call these people Normal.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">--The Takes-So-Long-To-Respond-You-Forgot-You-Even-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_48">Texted</span>-Them-At-All-er</span><br />We ALL know this type. If they respond at all, it is probably 3 days later to a text you do not even remember sending. You cannot even play the part of the Little Later-er and respond to them because they took so darn long you forgot all about them. I talked to someone like this once. It was HILARIOUS. He was probably going for some <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_49">Guinness</span> World Record for longest response time to an irrelevant <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_50">convo</span>. Some people just are not avid <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_51">texters</span>, and that is totally fine. But maybe people this category should incorporate a signature into their texts. No one will ever remember them because they take so long to respond!<br /><br />Thus, I leave you having expounded upon some of my theories on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_52">texting</span>. And I have successfully used up an hour and a half or so of time at work. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_53">Woohoo</span>! Happy Monday!pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-80908221041356228532010-08-25T11:49:00.000-07:002010-08-26T15:20:55.781-07:00It's All Good Fun Until Somebody Loses an "I."I heard this song the other day by a band called The Script called "Break Even." In the song, they talk about how the guy is bemoaning his sad emotional state when his girlfriend leaves him. The thing that struck me about it though was the chorus. While the line "When a heart breaks no it don't break even," is quite clever and mostly true, the other part says "What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you." What?? The best part about you isn't even you?? That's going to become a problem down the line. Or at least fodder for a brilliant blog post.<br /><br />So I started thinking about all the cliches we have for when we meet someone really great like "they complete me," or "I found what my heart has been missing," or "they are the missing piece," or, if I may reference some of the choice gentlemen in my history, "the missing link..." anyway, you get my drift. So I began thinking, how can we possibly expect relationships to work out if you expect someone to complete you as a person? I am in a relationship with myself 24/7, and now I have to complete someone? Please.<br /><br />So this led to a time of introspection. I concluded that it has long been a flaw of mine that, when in a relationship setting, I tend to concede certain things that I normally would not. This began in high school when I dated a boy who hated coming to my piano recitals. In case you do not know, piano is my LIFE. So any normal person would say "This just isn't working out," but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">nooooo</span>. I stuck with him for a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">reallllyyyy</span> long time. When we did eventually break up I vowed never to do anything like that again. Fast forward to my next few relationships where my music was appreciated, but certain aspects of my personality were stifled and/or pushed aside because "I loved him," and sometimes you have to compromise. Newsflash: it's not compromise if you are the only one doing it! [I know, my great epiphanies are generally common knowledge, but hey, the road to self-discovery is a long one. Give me a break.]<br /><br />It's one thing to set out to find "the one who completes you," but it's entirely different to find someone, and then lose yourself in the process. I often wonder how long it would have been before I lost more than I gained in my previous relationships. I am really grateful for the time I am spending as a single person, even if crazy things happen to me, because it has given me ample <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">opportunity</span> to get to know the scary inner-workings of my brain. It has certainly given me motivation to become more self-aware in my dating life, if nothing else.<br /><br />So, it is difficult to give advice on how to achieve self-awareness. It will forever be a work in progress for me. The best advice I have come by however came from a dear friend at a rather happy happy hour. She said, "I have my deal breakers, and those are what I go by." Hers included the man's religious affiliations, eventual desires for children, among others. She is consistently aware of things that she will not compromise for herself in a relationship setting. I find this admirable and amazing because I realized at that moment I never even thought about my deal breakers...at least beyond the fact that I don't want to date an ex-con. Maybe the reason I give in so easily is because I never actually fortified my brain to keep my terms in the forefront of my mind.<br /><br />Though this pearl of wisdom is great, the ultimate journey to self-awareness has to be on your terms. Particularly when dating, you need to be vigilant about how you and the other person are acting and how it makes you feel. So many people say "I should have broken up with that person when...". You do not have to be that person if you stick to your guns and take no prisoners about it. Listen to yourself. Notice things and allow yourself to think about them.<br /><br />I dated this guy one time who was a very dynamic (which is a nice way of saying hyper) person, much like myself. While we were seeing each other I was all enamoured and thinking he was so great, but a voice in my head kept saying there was no balance. Our personalities were too similar. It ended up not working out and I wished I had taken the time to really think about what my brain was telling me. I probably would have proceeded differently, or at least with more caution. Again, I let myself go a little bit in that situation. So I'm still learning to live by my own rule that the ultimate way to keep yourself is to know yourself.<br /><br />[NOTE: I'm not saying we are all perfect. Sometimes, relationships will require us to change for the better or just for the different. Just make sure it is not a one-sided deal.]<br /><br />In conclusion, whether you're in a relationship, fresh out of one, married for 72 years, or single, you need to remember you are a complete person in yourself. Whoever you're with can bring out the best IN you, but you can't expect them to complete you. That would be exhausting! To contradict The Script, no one but YOU should be the best part about YOU, whether the heart "breaks even" or not. Happy almost weekend!pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-27163805993438495782010-08-23T07:30:00.000-07:002010-08-27T09:57:38.354-07:00Bar Wars, Episodes 1, 2, and 3Today, in honor of the weekend, I will tell a story. A story of love, loss, and bars. I shall preface this story as follows:<br /><br />Have you ever been out on a weekend night and spent a decent amount of time throwing glances over your shoulder? Or making sure you have the seat that faces the door so you can see everyone coming in? Or you feel like you need to find a fire hydrant nearby and mark the territory so undesirable acquaintances do not show? This my friends, is what I like to call Bar Wars, Episodes 1, 2, and 3. While sometimes you look forward to a certain someone showing up, in this particular case I speak of the terror you feel when you are out at a place where you used to go all the time with someone you once dated. When things end, you almost need a custody agreement of who gets to go where when, or you both must suffer through the awkwardness of seeing each other out all the time. So I will tell you the story of two girls.<br /><br />It began during the summer. Two girls, Desdemona and Ophelia, who had never met, were dating two guys, Othello and Hamlet. Othello and Hamlet were such good friends they could have been brothers. They introduced Juliet and Ophelia, who clicked, and the foursome enjoyed many a fun night out in the various areas where they lived. Then, one dark and dreary night, one of the couples ended their relationship. Hamlet and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Ophelia</span> were no more. A painful issue for Ophelia was that technically the custody of the friendship with the other couple should pass to Hamlet, being that he was friends with the other parties first, and best friends with Othello long before the girls even entered the scene. Nonetheless, the girls determined to remain friends.<br /><br />They met fairly frequently over the next few months for happy hours, wine, and shopping, but on occasion, the boys would show up and it would cause a commotion. Obviously, it was completely normal for Othello to show up because he and Desdemona were together. And it was perfectly natural for Hamlet to accompany Othello given that they were practically brothers. But this was always a sticking point for Ophelia, because she could not claim any turf as her own. There was nowhere she and Desdemona could go that would be completely risk-free of Hamlet showing up. But Ophelia persevered, and time went on.<br /><br />As time goes on, things change, and eventually Desdemona and Othello severed their ties as well. So of course, when ties are severed, wine must be imbibed and friends must meet to discuss the event. So it goes with Desdemona and Ophelia. When they did meet, they met at one of their most favorite places in the southern part of the province. This was a place frequented by the couples when they were together. Now Ophelia lived quite close to it, and Desdemona worked nearby, so it was a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">convenient</span> meeting spot as well as a lovely venue.<br /><br />During the pow-wow, Ophelia noticed that Desdemona kept throwing glances over her shoulder, and was in a nervous frame of mind. Ophelia, recognizing the gestures, then informed her that there was no way Othello or Hamlet would possibly show their faces. "How could they?" said Ophelia. "I live here, you work nearby. Essentially if the boys showed up they would be guaranteed to see us." Because neither boy lived, worked, or had family nearby they lost their claim on the southern realm. And if they did show up, it would be an obvious affront and invasion. Or a deliberate attempt to see one of the girls and incite rage.<br /><br />And so the story goes that the boys never showed their faces in that land again, in fact a verbal concession/surrender of the land was made to Desdemona by Othello, and the girls vowed never to enter the lands inhabited by the boys either.<br /><br />The point of this story: there are many things that constitute turf. But the main players are who lives closest, who works closest, who knows local people better, who goes there more often, and who you are with that makes it more socially graceful for one person or another to show up. We have all been there when someone comes to a night out and are not uninvited but almost worse...unexpected. Yes this is America, we are a free country and you can go wherever you want. But along those same lines, because it is America, there are probably about 856 other places you can go to get the same experience without having to run into people and make it awkward. Sometimes you have to take one for the team and find a new venue (though a little social pot-stirring on Friday tends to make good brunch convo on Saturday).<br /><br />So wherever you find yourself this weekend, enjoy the company and the time, even if it does stir the social pot. What's life without a little bar wars anyway? Besides, if you find you are really worried about keeping your turf safe, you can always stake the ultimate claim and move in across the street from the main street of town (who would do that?). Anyway, It's supposed to be a BEAUTIFUL weekend so wherever you are, hopefully your turf will include some surf! Happy Friday!<br /><div> </div>pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-6615367470836591602010-08-19T06:22:00.000-07:002010-08-19T06:51:43.350-07:00Thursday is TIACD Day!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4yv4x3We6HwsWNv-LFb2gfhJ4hqGWfO34TPRIn6MmuN-INS59F9dRK_yuagcDB68vp8fVe6mLlzCICeIVvP9XsPvZQ4XVpHIZhCdKKHEUlNptN_5qvVBBuB-v_FWaAx_r00Efwbk7e24/s1600/flat.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5507116195415473314" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 184px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 182px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4yv4x3We6HwsWNv-LFb2gfhJ4hqGWfO34TPRIn6MmuN-INS59F9dRK_yuagcDB68vp8fVe6mLlzCICeIVvP9XsPvZQ4XVpHIZhCdKKHEUlNptN_5qvVBBuB-v_FWaAx_r00Efwbk7e24/s320/flat.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>Welcome to this week's edition of Things I Am Currently Digging! Let's see who our winners are this week.</div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div><strong>Pointy-Toed Flats</strong><br />--Pointy-toed flats, while still in last season, were a little more MIA than times previous. Thankfully, there was a full page dedicated to them in the latest issue of In-Style magazine and I am SO pumped! I like to find mine at Steve Madden, personally. :)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.stevemadden.com/">www.stevemadden.com</a></div><div> </div><div><strong>Sula Paint And Peel Nail Polish</strong></div><div>--This nail polish is water-based and does NOT require nail polish remover. Literally you just peel it off your nails when you're ready to take it off. This cuts down on chipping, just be careful if you happen to run without socks because your entire self-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">pedi</span> may peel off (yes, I did it). But they have some sweet colors, and I am in love with ALL of them, though Haze has been my summer choice. You can buy it online, or I also found mine at my local <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Anthropologie</span>.</div><br /><div><a href="http://www.sulabeauty.com/catalog/12/paint_peel_trend_collection">http://www.sulabeauty.com/catalog/12/paint_peel_trend_collection</a></div><br /><br /><div></div><div><strong><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Sanuk</span> "Sandals"</strong></div><div>--These close-toed shoes claim to be sandals on the label, and are quite possibly the most <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">comfortable</span> thing I have EVER purchased. The shoe itself kind of looks like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Keds</span> and Sperry had a baby, and it got all the best traits in the gene pool. They look super cute with shorts or with jeans, and run relatively true to size. I'm not sure what the etiquette is, but I will probably find a way to wear them in winter because they are so awesome.</div><br /><div><a href="http://www.sanuk.com/">http://www.sanuk.com/</a></div><br /><div><strong>The Gospel Sandwich</strong></div><div>--This sandwich is the gospel truth of goodness in my humble opinion. A favorite of my dad's side of the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">fam</span>, the sandwich was christened the "Gospel Sandwich," because the miracle of Jesus feeding the people with 5 loaves and 2 fish (the two primary ingredients in the meal) is mentioned in all four gospels. My mother says the only reason that miracle happened is because only one boy's mother remembered to pack him lunch. But I digress. This sandwich has inspired me to purchase a skillet and the ingredients are as follows:</div><br /><div>-1 fresh fish <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">fillet</span> (in the summer my family goes deep sea fishing...the catch of the day is always on hand)</div><br /><div>-2 slices of whole wheat bread, toasted</div><br /><div>-fry the fish in butter with salt and pepper</div><br /><div>-put on bread</div><br /><div>-prepare for Gospel goodness.</div><br /><div>It is delicious, and fairly healthy if you use natural ingredients. You can also bake the fish as well, and for that I would encourage Italian dressing and just a dash of mayo or avocado.</div><div> </div><div>Well, I think that does it for this week. Hopefully I'll find some good stuff when I go back-to-school shopping, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">woohoo</span>! Happy almost weekend everyone!</div><div> </div><br /><div></div>pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-22198182543676287742010-08-17T06:52:00.000-07:002010-08-17T07:49:27.882-07:00Things I Learned To Do By MyselfSo I spend a decent amount of this <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">bloggage</span> asserting my independence as a free-wheeling single woman in the 21st century. But I must confess, I was not always this way. I had a lot of help along the way to my ultimate feelings of power. So I give you a list of things I had to learn to do by myself because I don't have a boyfriend, roommate, or closely accessible parental figure (with the exception of my wonderful aunt and her family) readily available to me, and my two darling felines are relatively useless.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Clean.</span><br />--I'm not a dirty person by any means, but I am a great big slob. Through the years I have managed to somehow procure semi-compulsive cleaners into my web of friendship and roommate-hood. I have been very lucky. But now I am on my own, and am pretty sure there are 3 or 4 extra people or cats secretly living in my apartment with the amount I have to clean everything. It's terrible! I had to text a previous roommate and let her know I was actually becoming a legitimate human being because I cleaned my bedroom TWICE in one week. Ridiculous, because in times previous it was a miracle if I cleaned my bedroom twice in a semester. I even bought a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Swiffer</span> sweeper, which caused this same roommate to question the alignment of the planets. Anyway, I'm practically the poster child for Clorox wipes now, which I am convinced could probably clean up the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">BP</span> oil spill.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Decorate.</span><br />--I have also been lucky in the past to move in with people who already had stuff in the apartment. I never owned a couch, a framed picture, or an end table until just recently when I moved into my own place, which much to my chagrin, didn't come furnished. So I now have in my possession some area rugs, fake plants, framed pictures, and a futon, along with some other <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">knick</span>-knacks that are starting to make the place come together. What I really can't wait for is to decorate for Christmas. And to get up the courage to make my way to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Ikea</span> to finish the place (going to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Ikea</span> is, unfortunately, something I think I shall NEVER learn to do by myself. Too overwhelming).<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Put Sunscreen On My Back.</span><br />--If you read my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">TIACD</span> post last week it mentioned that my favorite sunscreen had a multi-directional spray feature, meaning it sprays upside-down. This is great because it's a long time since I had a strapping young lad or a cabana boy to put some SPF on my broad shoulder blades. Unfortunately, before I discovered this godsend, I had many a painful splotch and a somewhat uneven tan. But now it's all good. Thank you <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Neutrogena</span>, from single beach-goers everywhere!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Buttons and Zippers and Clasps, Oh My!</span><br />--My mother used to say she married my father so he could zip up her dresses, button back buttons, and hook delicate clasps on jewelry. I used to chuckle and say, "Oh mom, that's so silly." But, as is usually the case, my mom is a genius and I begin to see the method to her madness. I have NEVER had a more difficult time getting into and out of clothes as recently. I'm sure if anyone could see in my window in the morning, the image of my attempting to jump off my dresser into a pair of skinny jeans would be quite the spectacle. I've put on more clothing backwards first to get it zipped only to have the zipper catch on my hair or undershirt or something painful. Not to mention the muscular discipline it takes to suck in and zip at the same time (try that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Pilates</span> class). It's insane. I've almost said no to entire clothing purchases because I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to get into, or worse, get out of them.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Move.</span><br />--In the past, when I have moved from apartment to apartment I have had the help of my dad or an ex-boyfriend who felt particularly guilty about crushing my soul. This past time when I moved, my dad was unavailable and I had spurned all male resources in the immediate area. So, with the help of my roommate, her amazing Ford Escape, and some friends I managed to get everything into my apartment. But with unpacking and furnishing I actually ended up carrying just about EVERYTHING else all by myself. The only thing the cats helped with was moral support by meowing every time I came up the stairs. Thanks guys. It did feel kind of liberating at first...until I woke up the next morning and literally could not move one limb of my poor body.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Hang Stuff and Put Stuff Together.</span><br />--Along with moving, I also had to learn to assemble things and hang things. This was interesting. But I managed to assemble my futon with relatively little incident. That is to say, it is still in one piece serving a purpose. Which is more than I can say for those stupid wall-hanging-sticky-hook-things from Scotch. My floating shelves almost took out my cat the other day as they fell to the floor. Oops...<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Cook.</span><br />--<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Ok</span> actually I'm still working on this one. I don't even own a frying pan. Don't tell my dad.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Kill Bugs</span>.<br />--I lied when I said my cats were useless. It turns out that Rilke and Coleridge (Coley) can actually prove very helpful in torturing and killing any unwanted critter in my apartment. However, before they can get their paws on them, the abject terror I experience at having to slay a bug, or in the event that they are the size of a small SUV, catch them and put them outside rivals the feeling you get in that dream where you realize you're naked in the middle of class. Many a time has my battle cry pierced the night as I run towards my foe and attempt to rid my habitat of its presence. The first morning I moved in there was a bug in my kitchen sink..you know, one of those ones with about 297862598765 legs and a license to terrorize? Let's just say I now have a designated bug-slaying flip flop that comes complete with a cry of terror and a phone call to my mother afterward to talk my <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">heart rate</span> down to a normal, human speed.<br /><br />The sad thing about this list is that it is by NO means exhaustive. Whoever said you learn something new everyday obviously lived by themselves for a good period of time. But I have to admit I feel kind of excited every time I accomplish something, even if it is as small as purchasing a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Swiffer</span> and actually cleaning with it. Who needs a man or a roommate anyway? Now if you'll excuse me, I have go untangle my hair from the necklace I was attempting to wear today...pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-41812055095446170982010-08-16T07:11:00.000-07:002010-08-16T09:01:59.267-07:00Your Date Is A Person Too.I'm sure the title of this post made you go "Duh." But recently I have noticed how easy it is to almost forget that the person across the table or on the other side of the phone/<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">facebook</span> chat/<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">BBM</span>, what have you, is a person too. Often, I find myself in a situation where I super-impose all of my expectations and past experiences onto the person I'm dating without taking into consideration the kinds of things they may be thinking about me.<br /><br />I know...no wonder she's single if she's that self-centered! But think about it. Say your last relationship ended in a shambles. Maybe you were cheated on, maybe you were unexpected dumped, or maybe you were the cheater or the unexpected dumper....obviously going on a date is going to bring some insecurities and trust issues to the surface. It is difficult to be in that type of situation and not wonder how things might play out. For myself, it has often caused me to end everything entirely because I'm so worried about something bad happening that I just can't risk it. So I now keep a few things in mind when going on a date to remind me that my date is a person too.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">You're Not the Only One With Past Experiences</span><br />--Remembering this will, if nothing else, make you a more considerate date. You know when things have made you angry, hurt you, annoyed you to the point on no return, etc. Keeping in mind that whoever you are with has all of these things on their mind as well will keep you humble and make you a better date. You don't necessarily have to talk about all your hang-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">up's</span> (in fact I highly encourage you not to at first, unless you can make it funny), but bear them in mind so you don't commit crimes you have formerly prosecuted internally.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">You May Remind Them Of Someone Too</span><br />--Ever been on a date and you think "Oh my gosh this guy so reminds me of..." For me, I always hope that sentence ends with "Brad Pitt." But in the mortal realm it usually is someone I've dated before. Bear in mind that you may remind them of someone as well. Anyone remember that Usher song? "You remind me of a girl that I once knew, see her face whenever I look at you" etc. By the end of the refrain he essentially tells this woman he can't be with her because she reminds him too much of a terrible ex-girlfriend. Which brings me to my next point...<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">[NOTE: Personally, I'd rather remind a guy of an ex than of his mother....(yes that has happened to me...it's weird).]</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">They Are Not Your Ex. You Are Not Their Ex.</span><br />--Generally we are attracted to a type. Chances are the people you date are going to have things in common with one another. Hopefully these traits include terrifically intelligent or dashingly handsome, but they may also include commitment-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">phobe</span> or anal retentive. Remember when you're out with this person that whatever they may have in common with someone from your past, they ARE NOT, I repeat ARE NOT them. Be careful not to super-impose your expectations or <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">disappointments</span> on some poor soul who has no idea.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Realize They May Not Be Interested.</span><br />--Ah yes, the ultimate humility move. Understanding that if your date is a person too, they are not the only party who may or may not develop an interest. It may turn out that they may be EXACTLY what you're looking for, but you are far from what they need. It's super annoying when it happens, and I'm not saying you shouldn't go out for a sour amaretto (go out for one, don't be one! See Bitter, Party of One post) with some friends and talk about what an idiot someone would have to be for not wanting to be with you, but I always try to remember the many times that a guy hasn't been what I needed either. If nothing else, remembering that thought softens the blow (the sour amaretto and good company can't hurt either).<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">End Well</span><br />--My ultimate postulate in remembering that my date is a person too is to treat them with respect. When you date someone, you both give up time and some energy to the potential involved. Respect and listen to what they have to say while you're seeing each other (they may turn out to be some kind of crazy person, but still, you never know what you can learn). And, if it turns out that you become the less-than-interested party, you should treat the other person respectfully and let them know. Admittedly I employed what I like to call the Lock-Jaw Tactic for a long time before it hit me: I hate it when people do that to me, so why do I treat other people that way? I chalked it up to subconscious revenge, but I have since changed my ways. Anyway, pick up the phone, press the send button, and be a grown-up. Doing this not only shows respect for the time spent, but also cuts down on the awkward factor if you ever run into the person again.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">NOTE: Occasionally the Lock-Jaw Tactic can be justified...my general rule of thumb is 1 date can merit zero response; 2 dates deserves a "No Thank You" text; 3 or more deserves a phone call.</span><br /><br />The moral of the story is that everyone has a story. Your date may not know yours, you may not know theirs, but it is imperative to acknowledge this. Being empathetic not only makes you a better date, it makes you a better person. Awareness of others contributes to awareness of self which builds confidence in self. And having those things will make your date see that you are a person too. Happy Monday (if there is such a thing...)!pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-41825112387173091872010-08-13T07:24:00.000-07:002010-08-13T10:10:17.676-07:00Safety Patrol<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ahh</span>, here you are Friday, finally! As we head into yet another summer weekend I have decided to post some safety tips...probably nothing you haven't heard before, but take it from me. I watch WAY too much Lifetime, and have found that as I get older, I over-estimate my ability to avoid potentially dangerous situations. Granted, I work out and can generally take any guy who tries to get in my grill, but seriously. Bad things happen sometimes, and there are definite ways to avoid them. So I give you the Weekend Watch tips to ensure good, safe fun.<br /><br /><strong>Go Out in Groups (Duh...but I had to add it)</strong><br />--Make sure if you're heading out, you go in a group of 2 or more (you too guys). There really is strength in numbers, and if something weird begins to happen you've got people who have your back. If you do find that you are stir-crazy and need to get out flying solo, go somewhere local where you know two or more of the bartenders/servers. This way you are seen and in a familiar territory.<br /><br /><strong>Buddy System</strong><br />--Don't go into the bathroom by yourself (the actual business you can do by yourself). Don't go up to the bar by yourself (unless there is a clear <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">sight-line</span> from your group to there). Don't go out to the car by yourself. Don't go out to have a smoke by yourself. Don't go out to make a call by yourself. Am I boring you? Seriously. Drag whatever person is closest to you where you need to go. The way cheetahs get their prey is to separate them from the herd. Don't be the wounded gazelle!<br /><br /><strong>Have A Designated <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">MSP</span> (Mostly-Sober Person)</strong><br />--Most people have a DD (Designated Driver) when they go out, but you should also have a Designated <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">MSP</span>. Obviously if you're out at a party or a bar for 5-6 hours, even the DD can have a drink that they can safely oxidize before getting behind the wheel. The trick is to make sure you have someone present who will keep a level head in case things get out of hand. Usually this can be the person who has work the earliest the next morning. They don't have to drink water all night, but at least you know there's someone who's aware of things.<br /><br /><strong>NEVER, EVER, EVER Leave Your Drink Unattended</strong><br />--We all know what happens if you do that. You may be thinking "What does this chick think I was born yesterday?" But seriously...you'd be surprised how habitual it becomes to set your drink down for a sec then come back to it. We've all played the "Which cup was mine?" game. The other day I was at a bridal shower and I set my drink down about 5 different times then came back to it...granted that's a bridal shower. The only drugs that might be slipped to me there would be from Aunt Mabel who resented me for buying the pizza wheel off the registry. But still. If you leave your drink, get a new one. Or just keep it with you.<br /><em>NOTE: If my mom reads this she will be SO pleased that I put this tip in here as she first gave it to me on my way to my first boy-girl party in 7<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">th</span> grade. Love you <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">Madre</span>.</em><br /><em></em><br /><strong>Always Make Sure Someone Knows Where You Are</strong><br />--Obviously if you're going on a date it will not be a group activity. It is a good idea, if not imperative, to let a friend know where you're going, with whom you are going, etc. in case shit goes Lifetime. Make sure when you are planning the date that you get the name of where you're going and the general location. Tell a friend these details, and if it looks like the date is going a weird direction make a quick stop in the bathroom and shoot your friend a text. It sounds crazy and over-cautious but seriously. You just never know sometimes.<br /><br /><strong>If You're Not Driving...</strong><br />--Google the name/number of a taxi company in the area or be aware of train or other public transportation schedules. Have these in your phone and readily accessible just in case. I would encourage driving yourself whenever possible if it's a new acquaintance, that way you won't have too much to drink and you can leave whenever if you have to.<br /><br /><strong>Eat A Little Before Dinner</strong><br />--A glass of wine with dinner never hurt anyone, but too much can impair judgment (even if you are a tank like myself). If you know your evening will entail some adult-type beverages, eat some <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">carbs</span> before you go out. You don't need to eat a foot-long sub by any means, but maybe a piece of toast or some cereal...this way you have some food in your system. If you're anti or low-<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">carb</span>, eat some Greek yogurt (lots of protein fills you up without making it impossible to eat dinner). You won't be starving and over-eat at dinner, and you'll have some food to absorb the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">pre</span>-dinner cocktail.<br /><br /><br /><strong>All That Being Said...</strong><br /><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ok</span>, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">ok</span>, obviously not everyone is an axe murderer. And you certainly shouldn't step into any situation thinking something terrible is going to happen. I merely post a few tips because it's just important to have a plan in mind when going out in 2010. Plan In Mind=Peace Of Mind, and having both will ultimately empower you and allow you to have a better time out on the town anyway. Have a safe and sparkling weekend!pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-87999170358509659182010-08-11T07:05:00.000-07:002010-08-11T07:43:32.112-07:00Early TIACD PostI will be sunning myself on a beach tomorrow so I decided to post the Things I Am Currently Digging a day early this week so as not to leave you, my faithful readers, without for the 2<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">nd</span> week in a row. I know, how thoughtful! Anyway...here are this week's contenders!<br /><br /><strong>New Mascara I LOVE LOVE LOVE: Lash Lust in Blackest Black from Victoria's Secret</strong> <br />--Legit I like it better than the last mascara I told you about (which is still good, but this stuff is AMAZING). Your eyelashes end up looking like the picture on the box I swear. My baby lashes were completely transformed. Get it. $15. You'll never go back.<br /><br /><a href="http://http//www.victoriassecret.com/ss/Satellite?ProductID=1265273300469&c=Page&cid=1265275330878&collAssetType=LBIProductSet&pagename=vsdWrapper">http://http://www.victoriassecret.com/ss/Satellite?ProductID=1265273300469&c=Page&<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">cid</span>=1265275330878&<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">collAssetType</span>=<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">LBIProductSet</span>&<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">pagename</span>=<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">vsdWrapper</span></a><br /><br /><strong><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">Neutrogena</span> Fresh Cooling Body Mist Sunblock (SPF 45)</strong><br />--This is my favorite sunscreen ever. It isn't greasy, and it has a cooling sensation when you spray it so you typically won't forget to apply it while sweating it out in the sand. Good coverage, and it still sprays upside-down, so single people like me can do our backs all by ourselves. :)<br /><br /><a href="http://http//www.amazon.com/Neutrogena-Cooling-Sunblock-Patented-HelioplexTM/dp/B000FFFTGK">http://http://www.amazon.com/Neutrogena-Cooling-Sunblock-Patented-HelioplexTM/dp/B000FFFTGK</a><br /><br /><strong>Barefoot <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">Pinot</span> <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">Grigio</span></strong><br />--I'm typically more of a red wine drinker, but in the summer this delightful wine has been a favorite! Served chilled, it's great to sip on during a hot day. Not too sweet, not too dry, and it goes really well with raspberries and strawberries (well, it goes really well with ANYTHING). And for <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">something</span> as good as this it only costs $5-$8! Bring this to your next barbecue and you'll be the savior of the party. Swear.<br /><br /><a href="http://http//www.barefootwine.com/our-wines/overview/white/PinotGrigio.html">http://http://www.barefootwine.com/our-wines/overview/white/PinotGrigio.html</a><br /><br /><strong>Spending Time With Family And Friends</strong> <em>(well, this I dig every day...but still)</em><br />--As I head off to the beach to see 2/3 of my lovely family members I think of how great this summer has been to spend all the time I have with the people I love. School starts soon, which will <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">inevitably</span> change the schedule yet again, it has been so nice. I hope all of you have had time to wreak some havoc with your friends and kick back and enjoy some vino with your <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-error">fam</span>. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_12" class="blsp-spelling-error">Mmhmm</span>.<br /><br />Happy Hump Day all!pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6573592088298005653.post-9793840625668856072010-08-09T11:54:00.000-07:002010-08-10T07:10:05.798-07:00This Guy Walks Into A Bar And Says....This past weekend I went to a <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">bachelorette</span> party for my friend from college. So we were out at some swanky places and I began contemplating the joke "A guy walks into a bar. What does he say?" Most people would answer "Ouch." While this is what many guys end UP saying, they usually lead with some different things.<br /><br />Before I really begin my stories/theories on this subject I must make a note: Guys who talk to girls in bars are the bravest people on the planet with the exception of firefighters and soldiers. Some of the shoulders they get are so cold it would turn your Coors Light mountains blue in a heartbeat. Gentlemen, this post is mostly anecdotal with some minor advice points...don't stop talking to girls in bars..you never know how a night can turn out. I applaud all of you, because most of the time it's not you, it's us. And having experienced rejection in a bar like, twice, I can tell you that the way you folks get back on the horse is commendable to say the least.<br /><br />Having said that, I can continue with a clear conscience. So here are some things that happened to me this weekend that will make you laugh, cry, and cringe, and my take on the aftermath.<br /><br />First event of the night...we're in this club, the scene is cool and trendy and all sorts of fun <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">bachelorette</span>-y type things. As I am making my way to the bar to grab a glass of wine, this guy touches my arm and says "Where are you going?" Hello? I'm at a bar, I'm walking toward the bar, and my hands are <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">noticeably</span> empty. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">Hmmmm</span>. The worst part? After I smiled and told him my destination, he didn't even buy me the glass of wine. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">Hmph</span>.<br /><br /><em>NOTE: In retrospect, I admit my form must have been intimidating, being a relatively tall person already with my heels making me close to 5' 11", the poor guy was probably afraid I would beat him up, or worse, trip over him. And I was surrounded by gaggle of good-looking women. These are just observations.</em><br /><br />The next thing, we're at this pub and this seemingly creepy guy starts talking to me, asking me when my friend is getting married, etc. Now, I always give people the benefit of the doubt, i.e. I was willing to overlook the creep factor in order to carry a conversation because I am friendly and you can't judge a book by its cover. BUT this guy was legit CREEPY. He's getting all up in my grill, which is theoretically acceptable at a loud bar, but seriously. Personal space bubble violation=uncool. The worst part was when I had pretty much fended him off, both from me and my soon-to-be-married friend, he began to circle around the table talking to all of the girls who were with me, opening with the same line. I mean seriously...what are we in some kind of police line-up? Cut your losses bro.<br /><br />I do believe I also fended off another somewhat questionable personal space invader by confessing to be a lesbian (I wish I could say it's the first time I used that one). I am not one...but it does work in a pinch.<br /><br />The point is guys, when in an awkward social situation, such as a loud bar, there are a few things I should point out:<br /><br />--Most of the time girls who give you the cold shoulder have boyfriends, have been dumped by their boyfriends and hate the race of men, or are genuinely not interested for reasons beyond the comprehension of the mortal realm.<br /><br />--Confidence is key. No need to be all Mike the Situation cocky-like. Just chill. And don't hover or come out any shadows. Make eye contact first before beginning the initial approach.<br /><br /><br />--If a girl in a group says "No thank you," don't try and hit up the rest of her friends. It makes things weird (Example: the scene in 10 Things I Hate About You where Andrew <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">Keegan</span> leaves with Gabrielle Union instead of Alex Mack, and Alex Mack gets mad, even though she didn't really want Andrew <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">Keegan</span>...you know, at Bogey's party? Classic.)<br /><br /><br />--Most girls have been taught never to meet men in bars. Unless it's at happy hour..<br /><br /><br />--The fear of rejection is legitimate, but ultimately a silly habit. Everyone gets rejected (like I said, it's happened to me twice...). It's annoying, but where better to have it happen than in a bar? Keep up the good work.<br /><br /><br /><em>WARNING: These are not proven tactics to impress women in loud social situations. Merely anthropological observations from someone who's seen the good, the bad, and the scary.</em><br /><br />So there you have ladies and gents. Some stories and some tips for the road. Ultimate conclusion: when you guys DO walk into a bar...make sure the joke isn't on you. Happy Almost Hump-Day!pemeganehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10997113900805321465noreply@blogger.com4