When In Phone...

Who talks on the phone anymore these days? With the advent of texting, e-mailing, mass facebook messaging, etc. the art of a phone conversation (and perhaps artfully crafted smoke signals, no offense Vatican) has been lost. So the other day when my friend told me she talked to the guy she is seeing for 13 minutes on the phone and they don't text in between dates...I was shocked! And then I was shocked that I was shocked! I mean, the only person I really talk to on the phone for longer than 35 seconds is my mother, who is epically technologically inept. Most of the other people in my life I either text, facebook, or see on a regular basis. It is crazy to think that calling someone used to be the primary mode of communication.

Think about it. If you text someone, you immediately give them an opportunity to take their time responding to you. A text says "It's not immediate that I speak to you, but when you have a chance..". An e-mail does the same thing except it expands the time-frame exponentially. If you respond to a text within 12 hours, that's good. If you respond to an e-mail within 12 days, if at all, that's fine. But if you don't CALL someone back, particularly if they leave a voicemail, you are most definitely purposely ignoring them.

On top of this, talking to someone on the phone, face to face as it were, leaves no room to think about what you're going to say. You have to be on the spot. You can't be like "Let me call you back when I think of a witty response." Meanwhile, how many of us have been texting with someone while hanging out with friends and said "What should I say back??" Then the friends play Cyrano de Bergerac and we all get some witty or brilliant response ideas. E-mail? Even better! You can read the entire thing and respond to each section in sequence!

As I continued to talk to my friend about her relational progression with this boy who does not text she told me she actually found it liberating to be on "the slow train." She said there is no pressure to be in contact or not, and when they do talk it is always good conversation. I mean, 13 minutes is way long enough to talk about how your days were, how your weeks were, and to get into legitimate subject matter.

It struck me that in general, when we like someone, we begin texting, we hang out, we text...we are in constant contact with the person. And the instant they begin to have less contact with us, we see it as rejection. In the case of my friend, I'd venture to say she may be onto something here.

Another friend of mine recently consolidated her cell phone plan and eliminated texting. The first 3 days of this were torture for me. In fact I believe I told her that her textual liberation was my prison. But as I adapt to the adjustment, I realize it is actually kind of nice. And it is certainly easier and more interesting to debrief about a weekend while talking instead of arthritically texting long sagas.

I draw three conclusions from this discussion:

Number 1:
By eliminating "talk-time" we also get closer to eliminating the risk of sounding stupid. Case in point: cute boy calls me. Conversation goes like this:

Boy: Hey what's up?
Me: Good, how are you? I mean nothing nothing....you??
[in my mind: IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT]

If this were a text however, I would have had time to think. And respond with something terribly clever.

Number 2:
The idea of talking on the phone is not so outlandish...it is the idea of being able to CALL someone whenever you want that is intimidating. If you talk to someone on the phone regularly, it means that you can both call each other whenever. Many friendships do not function this way so much anymore. This does not mean that people are any less friends because they don't talk on the phone for hours, it is just a different type of relationship than we have seen in times past. Not to mention, where would we be without www.textsfromlastnight.com?

Number 3:
The thing is, especially in the United States, we are anti-taking-our-time. To spend time on the phone means we have to be involved in the conversation, we need to be focused on someone other than ourselves. Weird?

In conclusion, don't get me wrong. I'm pretty sure I will text until my thumbs fall off, or until they come up with some new-fangled device that renders text-messaging obsolete. And by no means do I think that texting or emailing are illegitimate or impersonal. They are, in fact, my primary means of communication. It is more that lately I have been thinking the pace of my life is so darn fast. To take the time to call someone and just talk as opposed to "dropping a line," is almost as liberating as walking slowly in killer heels (see "Stilettos: A Weekend Debriefing Story). Not to mention it is nice to hear people laugh at my hilarious jokes instead of just reading "lol,".........

Have a great week everyone! :)